


breathtaking

by memetsundere



Series: out of breath [1]
Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Fluff, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romantic Fluff, Students, but dw it's all about yugbam, heavily implied yugten, if normal yugbam with a kiss and no angst isn't enough for you then idk what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 12:15:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8800459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memetsundere/pseuds/memetsundere
Summary: Yugyeom wakes up after a night he doesn't remember and finds out that losing a college acceptance letter isn't as bad when it is a cute boy he gets it returned from.ORThe one where Bambam follows the page "Saw You At The Campus".





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OK SO this now has FOUR chapters (originally this was an one-shot, the ending of the first chapter might seem rushed because of that). The second chapter develops the plot lil bit more, explores the other characters lil bit more and gets the emotions properly going. As I wrote the first time I published this, don't take the plot too seriously, it might seem exaggerated but it's just for fun. And I really do mean that (although it applies more to the first chapter rather than the second one.) The third and fourth chapter, NOW IN A SEPARATE FIC AS A SEQUEL focus on jjp but still contains a lot of markson and yugbam.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Notes: Don't call me out on not developing the details about school too much. This story takes place in Korea and since I don't know anything about how college works there (or anywhere else), I try to skip most of the details. Also, both of the boys have messy feelings. No, I did not lose track of them halfway through, they're both just too stubborn :D)

“Y’know what? Just… Let’s get _smashed!_ ”

Quite frankly, that was the last coherent memory Yugyeom recalled from that night. It was what directly followed his over an hour long monologue directed to Mark, who therefore had had the chance to get way more alcohol into his system than him. The alcohol was also the reason of how Mark had managed to not try to silence the endless rant coming from Yugyeom.

The thing was, Yugyeom wasn’t about to stop his complaining after Mark had proposed getting wasted. How was he supposed to? In the one hour, he had only gotten to the part where he had analyzed all of his life decisions that had led him to the point where he got to know _that jerk_ (as he had referred to his ex instead of trying to pronounce his name every time he mentioned him), meaning he had to only briefly go over the part where he cursed every member of his ex’s family and circle of friends. And he still needed to make a list of the reasons of why he won’t ever be getting back together with _that jerk_ , obviously written on the bar’s napkin with a pen he would borrow from someone and then never give back. Then he would - despite Mark’s protests - write another list, on the back of the same, alcohol stained napkin, consisting of reason why he _fucking loves that jerk’s face_ and why would he make the perfect dad for his future children. And then there would be the inevitable self-loathing part, and he would naturally have to keep that in mind as well for the sake of time management. Before he would know it, it would be half past 3am, the perfect time to find some one-night stand which he would regret possibly even more than the four texts and six declined calls for his ex. His schedule for the night was truly busy, and he had already gotten ahead at home when listening to Taylor Swift and maybe a little bit of Ed Sheeran.

Needless to say, Mark was a really good and patient friend. Stress on the patient part. He wasn’t even the type to “ _get smashed”_ , and neither was Yugyeom, quite honestly. Although Yugyeom loved clubs and going dancing, he was barely legal and getting drunk wasn’t something he would be exactly experienced in, and Mark wasn’t irresponsible and would have never insisted on drinking in the company of the younger. But Mark has _some fucking decency_ to his own soul and if he was completely honest, listening to the progress of Yugyeom’s heartbreak wasn’t exactly on his list of top five activities for Friday nights.

Well, at least not while sober.

After the first round of shots they did, Yugyeom’s memories somehow started to blur and upon recalling them later, he wasn’t sure of the chronological order nor the causal links between each scenes.

There was definitely a fist fight. That was undeniable - there was a bruise on the knuckles of his right hand and his nose had felt little bit weird when he woke up, some of his dried blood lingering under the tip of it.

Then there was a karaoke. He had somehow remembered that.

He had apparently met Big Bang’s Taeyang? Or at least, that’s what the newest selfie on his phone told him.

He had gotten back home by a bus and fell asleep on it. Someone with really nice and long legs had helped him disembark and _fuck_ , didn’t even leave their number or anything. But apparently paid for his ticket, as he had recalled not having any cash on him that night.

Mark was kissing someone at the karaoke, apparently some old “friend” of his.

Yugyeom decided to read his mail, what if _that jerk_ sent him a letter? What if the reason he had ghosted him was because he fell through a hole in time and space and the only way they could now communicate was an old letter box next to his lake house?

(Yugyeom didn’t have a lake house. What Yugyeom had was a Netflix coupon and too many evenings spent alone with his post-breakup mood.)

Mark probably got laid? As the explanation of why he hadn’t escorted him home.

There was some kind of an important letter between all of the flyers that had piled up.

Yugyeom was kissing someone? Yugyeom didn’t get laid. The world was so unfair.

Important letter. Wait.

Didn’t he get accepted to the university?

 

Yugyeom knew that the letter wasn’t technically important. It was only a notice for him, the university already had him written down in the database and in the end, he could just request the confirmation in person. Or like, via email, like the cool kids do it in the 21st century.

But _damn_ , Yugyeom was emotional and angsty, his boyfriend had ghosted him and he only now started admitting it to himself, his Netflix coupon was about to expire in 48 hours and he had no other income than from a shitty part time job and some of his parents’ contributions for his 130 sq. feet apartment.

(Yugyeom would honestly punch anyone who would shove him in the face the “33 Insanely Clever Things Your Small Apartment Needs” articles. He could barely stretch out his arms there and the person living above him was a fucking drummer for god’s sake, there was no amount of Tips And Hacks that could save the situation. Tell Jessica from Pinterest to go fuck herself, Youngjae.)

So yes, when Yugyeom thought he should have that confirmation, even if it was just for the emotional worth and the sense of accomplishment, he would go and find where he had left it. It shouldn’t be _that_ hard, right?

 

After waking up at noon, few hours had had to pass until he finally didn’t think his head is going to implode. First, he answered Mark’s texts, not even glancing at any of the other notifications his phone had piled up over the night and morning.

_yo, what’s up, got back home safely?_

The message was only few hours old, so hopefully Mark didn’t worry too much. Yugyeom typed in an answer.

 _yeah i’m not sure if safely but i woke up alive and home_ _  
_ _you?_

He didn’t wait for the answer and got up to find his jacket - one of the most expensive possessions he had within the 130 sq. feet. If Yugyeom was lucky enough, it would still be there.

It wasn’t. But the universe didn’t hate Yugyeom as much - as he walked out of his apartment to look for it in the corridor, he was greeted by his neighbour, a single college professor who was single for maybe too long. With a familiar leather jacket hung on his elbow.

“Oh hi there, Yugyeom! I was just about to knock,” he said with an _obscene_ smile.

“Good morni- afternoon, Mr. Cha,” he had muttered in response as he bowed and managed a faint smile that was more of a wince, still not used to noise. He surely had to be a sight - he was still in his clothes that he had arrived in and fell asleep in and his hair was probably sticking in all directions, not to mention the state his eye makeup was in.

“I found this on the railing next to the staircase, it’s yours, right?” Mr. Cha said, holding out the jacket. Yugyeom eyed the precious possession in the hands of his neighbour. Looks suspicious. But still clean.

“Oh, thank you so much,” he managed a small bow, “I was actually just looking for it.”

Mr. Cha was reluctant to let go of the jacket as Yugyeom took it, nervously smiling. The student was about to turn around and go to his apartment when the professor spoke up. “So, rough night, huh?” He glanced around the narrow corridor, trying to steal a look into the apartment.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom scratched the back of his head.

“Got any luck?” Mr. Cha said and _winked_. Well, it was either that or just a twitch in his cheek.

“No, not really.”

“Ah I see, I see. So still single? What happened to that boy you were seeing?” Yugyeom internally screamed.

“Um. We broke up.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Mr. Cha failed at attempt for a compassionate expression and placed a hand on Yugyeom’s forearm, “If you want to talk it out, you can always drop by for a cup of coffee, alright?”

“Yeah, thanks, I don’t think that will be necessary. Have a good day!” Yugyeom said and quickly backed into his door and closed it before his neighbour could have had the chance to offer him a compensatory blowjob. Or a coffee, what would he know.

As he flopped down onto his single bed, his phone notified him of a new message. He tossed around on the bed, eventually finding the device tangled under his sheets and unlocked it to find Mark’s response.

 **_Mark_ **  
_woke up in my ex-classmate’s bed_  
_thought i’d get away with leaving before he’d wake up_  
_just found his number saved in my contacts_ _  
_ :-----))

Yugyeom chuckled. Of course this would happen to Mark. He thought of something to reply with, but Mark was quicker.

 **_Mark_ ** _  
_ _sorry for leaving you tho i feel bad_

 **_Yugyeom_ ** _  
_ _nah don’t, i didn’t stop you from leaving_ , Yugyeom replied. _haven’t you seen a letter i got from the uni? i recall finding it in the mail but can’t find it now_

Yugyeom impatiently stared at the three dots in the left corner. How much does Mark remember?

 **_Mark_ **  
_ah i remember smth like that happening gyeommie_  
_or should i call you keanu reeves_ _  
_ or do you prefer sandra b.

Yugyeom ~~internally~~ screamed. _hyung pls i need it_

 **_Mark_ ** _  
_ _sorry idk_

Yugyeom sighed, closing his eyes in desperation and emotional pain. He was about to type in a brief _nvm maybe somebody sends it back, it should be still in the envelope_ , but then his phone buzzed - but the new message wasn’t from Mark. In the notification bar, he saw a preview of the message that was sent into a groupchat that he, Mark and his other friends Youngjae and Jinyoung were in. Shortly after followed a message in their private chat.

 **_Mark_ ** _  
_ _go read the gc tho ;) ;) ;)_

Oh god. This cannot be good.

First of the messages he didn’t read yet was from Youngjae from two hours ago. _yo mark gyeom weren’t you out last night?_

Jinyoung’s answer followed: _smth like that is on snapchat, i doubt they’re awake_

 _mark i can see you reading the messages don’t hide_ , Youngjae had said. An attached screenshot followed. _[Youngjae sent a picture]_

 _holy shit that’s the best thing that ever happened_ , Mark’s message followed and then few similar ones from Jinyoung and Youngjae.

Yugyeom hesitantly opened the picture. It was a screenshot of a post of some page on Facebook. What the post was about made him speechless.

 **_Saw You At The Campus_ ** ****  
**_21 mins_ ** **  
** _“ok so i hope this works <33 i saw you last night on a bus stop near the library and you looked pretty wasted so i’m not sure if you remember this but <33 you looked so good i couldn’t take my eyes off you *-* you saw some guys that were bothering me and punched one of them in the face you’re my hero <33 i bought you a ticket home because you couldn’t find any cash that was so cute! you have a picture of your baby sister in your wallet so cute *-* you have dark red hair and an adorable mole under your eye and you’re pretty tall, you were wearing all black and a leather jacket that fits you sooo well :o you were really talkative in the bus that was cute :D ^.^ i helped you to walk home :* please comment on this post so we can meet, i think you dropped something very important for you ;) it’s an envelope but i won’t write what’s in it, you have to write it in the comments so i know it’s you ;) :* <33 i’m really hoping you’ll see this you’re my hero <33 xoxo” submitted 11:11 by anonymous _

Yugyeom was conflicted. Within the one minute it took him to process what he had just read, an entire spectrum of human emotion flashed through him. So what is he supposed to do now? Comment under a post that was anonymously sent by some teenage girl? Let himself be stalked?

 _Do I really need college education_ , Yugyeom sighed. He quickly searched for the page in his app and after reading few dumb posts written by other contributors, he finally reached the post. He, again, cringed and looked into the comment section.

 _lol whoever he was he would be dumb to answer this girl is obviously a psycho_  
_I bet he dropped his dignity there._  
_Why are kids like you even allowed to board a night bus_  
_this is why the aliens will never visit us_  
_omg it was me, message me and I will tell you what was in the envelope ;)_ _  
_ why won’t she just send him the envelope

Yugyeom’s phone buzzed in his hand again as he received another message in the group chat. This time, it was Youngjae.

 **_Youngjae_ ** _  
_ _are you gonna say it was you gyeommie haha_

Yugyeom answered maybe too quickly. _no way omg_

 **_Youngjae_ ** _  
_ _she’s got your stuff tho_

Then Jinyoung interfered: _what is in that envelope anyways?_

 **_Yugyeom_ ** _  
_ _from what i recall it was a letter from the uni_

 **_Jinyoung_ ** _  
_ _did they accept you?_

 **_Yugyeom_ ** _  
_ _I think so?_

The chat went dead for a while before it exploded with gratulations. Yugyeom smiled for himself. He had known he’d been accepted from the published results, but he wanted to announce it later, when he got the confirmation. So yeah, this was it. Yugyeom passed the entrance exams into an university and celebrated it by losing the acceptance letter.

Of course it had to be Youngjae who saw the post. Who else would be subscribed to a page called “Saw You At The Campus”. Youngjae was in a desperate need of a romantic interest and although he would try to deny it and be embarrassed about it, he would read each one of the anonymous posts. He - and hopefully the rest of the 1.2 thousand subscribers as well - doubted anyone would ever be lucky enough to actually meet up with the person they had asked for. However, people were still putting up anonymous posts, asking for that one person they saw around the campus.

 

Yugyeom decided to sleep on it. There was no point in attracting attention and after all, the anonymous could have always send the letter to the address on the envelope. That is, unless they’re a serial killer and now know his address. What would he know, maybe the post had been written by somebody who he had punched in the face and now thirsted for a vendetta.

Kill Yugyeom in his sleep because of a stupid acceptance letter.

What a thought to go to bed with.

Yugyeom got ready for sleep at 12pm and then continued to lie in bed for another two hours, looking through his ex’s social media accounts and then through his ex’s friends’ accounts (What if he had already gotten himself a new boyfriend? That would be totally him. Alright, it wouldn’t, but Yugyeom wasn’t that type of guy that wouldn’t try to find a justification of the breakup on his side just so he would feel better.) By the time he ran out of profiles to stalk and decided that he won’t get up and buy himself booze and maybe go visit his friendly neighbour who was currently audibly crying himself to sleep, he decided to look through some dating sites and that had finally tired him enough to start falling asleep.

His vision was getting blurry and he suddenly found himself unable to focus on the text in front of him, but he _really wanted to finish reading that paragraph, just five more minutes, mum_.

A text.

Ugh, what?

Yugyeom’s brain couldn’t process what is his phone trying to tell him by sending a notification.

A… Text?

And then another?

Yugyeom tapped on the notification from an unknown number.

 _omg hi_ _  
_ _i never thought this would work is it rlly u_

What in the hell? It was 3am.

 _hi?? what???_ Was all Yugyeom could think of as a response. He didn’t wait long for the answer.

_oh right sorry i’m the one that put up the post_

_what???? who are you_ Yugyeom was really hoping this wasn’t going where it looked like it’s going.

_i saw you on the bus you were drunk_

Fuck. With a capital F. How did that girl even find him? At 3am? Did she spent her evenings stalking random people from public transport?

 _oh_ _  
_ _how did you find me??_

There was a long pause and Yugyeom almost fell asleep, but eventually a huge ugly bubble full of text appeared on his screen.

_ok so i assume you know about the post on “saw you at the campus”? someone commented on it and said what was in the envelope you dropped so i texted him and he said that he isn’t you but he knows you and gave me your number so i texted you_

It took Yugyeom about 7 tries before he understood what is the person on the other side trying to tell him and another seven to type an answer: _will you please give that envelope back, there was a college acceptance letter._

As he waited for an answer, he realized: what did the person mean by “someone commented on it”? Did Youngjae, Mark and Jinyoung conspire against him? Why?

_of course! i still remember the stop you got off at, want to meet there? at 8_

_what the hell NO that’s in 4 hours are you insane_

_whoops sorry i meant 8pm_

Sure you did.

With that thought, Yugyeom fell asleep, phone forgotten in his hand.

 

With the same exact thought he put on his shoes five minutes before 8pm. It was weird, anyways - blind meeting at 8 in the evening. That can’t even count as a dinner and it’s too late for coffee, either. And even if the person wouldn’t insist on going somewhere (which he highly doubted), Sunday nights aren’t made for going out.

Either way, Yugyeom stepped out of the apartment building into the coldness of the late evening. To his own surprise, he actually spent time on getting ready - he decided to wear a similar outfit like he did on Friday night, except for the change in pants (wearing black jeans is much more comfortable and socially acceptable than leather) and shirt (“this one is very very dark red, the Friday one was black, are you blind, Mark,” he would say), but he still kept his jacket and hairdo. After all, he wants to be recognized. Wait, so does he?

He arrived to the bus stop about five minutes after the settled time and looked around, _inconspicuously_ eyeing the people standing there. There was a young couple, discussing apparently a very touchy subject while speaking in irritated low tones; then there was an elderly lady with a trolley, three guys around his age and two people that seemed like a very awkward couple - they sat next to each other on the bench, wearing similar couple t-shirts, but the girl was nervously playing with the strap of her handbag and the guy was looking into his phone.

But no one looked even remotely like someone who would be waiting for him.

Yugyeom checked his messages for the fiftieth time that day, but there was nothing new, apart from his brief “ _ok_ ” he sent when he had woken up and realized he didn’t confirm the settlement.

Was he catfished?

Who the fuck had even sent his number to the stalker?

He had actually felt really angry at himself. Losing his acceptance letter and falling for a joke. Jinyoung was definitely now watching him from distance, laughing his ass off at his stupidity. Using his fragility and fetish for nice legs.

Yugyeom decided to wait at the stop until the bus arrives and all of the people will get on, just so he can leave with at least some dignity. That was until a soft drizzle started to fall down and he, once again, cursed to himself for his stupidity as he stepped under the tiny roof. Getting stood up by a catfish in a rain. What was even worse? Getting ghosted or catfished?

“Kim Yugyeom?” Almost a childish voice interrupted him from the train of thoughts that was only going downwards.

He turned around to see an oddly familiar figure of a boy (that he had later realized wasn’t on an awkward date with the girl still sitting on the bench) in black ripped jeans and an undone dark coat. His hair was dark as well, but he could see a shade of some dye in it. Along with his sharp facial structure and very very nice lips, the boy looked…

_Breathtaking._

Which is also what Yugyeom felt at the moment.

But love on the first sight didn’t exist and Yugyeom was just surprised that the person was a guy that wasn’t a 50 year old truck driver with a “dvd collection”.

“I’m sorry, are you Kim Yugyeom?” The boy asked again, visibly getting nervous by Yugyeom’s dumbstruck face.

“Uh, yeah, yes,” Yugyeom stuttered out eventually, “Yes, I’m.”

“Oh, good, I was getting worried there. I was texting you about this envelope,” the boy said, smiling as he lifted a familiar white envelope to the height of his chest, “I realized I didn’t actually introduce myself. You can call me Bambam.”

“Bambam?”

“Just a nickname. I’m thai,” Bambam said. That would explain the cute accent. Wait, _cute_?

“Uh, thanks for the envelope I guess. I have only really vague memories from Friday, but still, thanks for helping me and turning this back in,” Yugyeom said scratching the back of his neck after Bambam handed him the application letter.

“That’s nothing, really,” Bambam said, looking at the bus that was getting closer and closer to the station, “would you mind going for a coffee or something so I can explain to you what actually happened? You must be confused. This bus stops at one decent place with coffee and stuff.”

“Oh okay, I’d like that,” Yugyeom said before he could even realize what is he doing. They boarded the bus in silence and stood next to each other in the space next to the door.

They arrived in only few short minutes into a cozy café situated on a corner of a busy street. It wasn’t exactly crowdy in there, but they had to stand in the queue for a while to order.

“This coffee is on me, alright?” Yugyeom asked with fake confidence, “I owe you.”

“Nah, I should be the one paying. You practically saved my life back then,” Bambam refused.

“No, I insist, okay?” he asked with a chuckle, “What do you want?”

They sat at a lonely table in the back of the café, but as the café was rather small they could have heard what the people are ordering if they listened closely, and could see clearly out of the huge window onto the street.

“So, I can’t stand it anymore, what actually happened on the Friday night?” Yugyeom asked, stirring his hot cocoa (what a manly choice, he praised himself), for a brief second glancing at Bambam’s (very nice) hands doing the same. Bambam chuckled and looked into Yugyeom’s eyes and Yugyeom tried his best to maintain the penetrating eye contact.

“I was getting home from some kind of house party with my best friend, right. And the guy that was throwing the party suddenly got a call from his not-so-friendly neighbours that we should keep it down or they will call the police. And since the guy had already had some issues because of underage drinking and drugs, he decided to move the party into a karaoke bar, right. That’s where my memory fails as well, there was a spin-the-bottle and my best friend made out with his ex-classmate and then they left. Or that’s what he told me, at least. After some time, I sobered up and decided to go home. So I was on my way to the bus stop, but some guys started to follow me and were saying stupid stuff and they didn’t stop and I seriously thought they were going to beat me. But then you appeared out of the blue and you were taller than all of them and punched one of them in the face. You were also really drunk and they thought you’re some kind of a freak because you were constantly yelling the chorus part from Bang Bang Bang, so they ran away.”

Yugyeom almost snorted out his cocoa, embarrassedly hiding himself behind his palms. Bambam laughed at the sight.

“You were honestly so loud, I was so conflicted, I didn’t know whether to be relieved that I won’t be punched in the face or scared because you’re going to kidnap me and use me for biological experiments or something. But then you started getting emotional over something so I assumed you meant well and I bought you bus ticket and escorted you to a seat. Then you--”

“Wait, no, was I being sappy, please tell me I wasn’t crying or anything, oh my god,” Yugyeom panicked but Bambam only laughed more.

“Mhmm, you were talking about your boyfriend leaving you and how much you hate your love life and how your friend abandoned you for a one-night stand. Then you started waving with the envelope around, shouting at the empty bus about how smart you are, but it was already your stop so I helped you walk and took the envelope because otherwise you would drop it into the dew. And sort of forgot about it until I got back home. So that’s the whole story, yeah.”

Yugyeom honestly wanted for the earth to swallow him whole. He is never getting drunk again. Why had been he so dumb?

“Now it’s my time to ask,” Bambam chuckled, “I had to resist laughing, but you looked so surprised when I spoke to you at the bus stop. It looked like if you had an amnesia and this was the first time someone told you what your name was.” The boy was obviously holding in a laughter and Yugyeom felt yet another wave of embarrassment.

“Uhh… I’m not sure if you wanna hear the reason,” he blabbered, scratching the back of his neck. Bambam cooed and Yugyeom felt his cheeks going red. He sighed and took a deep breath, looking into the spirals the cocoa foam formed when he stirred it. “Basically… From the facebook post I kinda… Thought… I hope you don’t take this wrong in any way, oh god. Basically I thought… You’re a… Girl?”

Bambam didn’t think he ever laughed that hard in his life. The whole café turned around to look at him, but he didn’t seem to care, throwing his head back that he almost hit the wall behind him.

“I’m sorry, I just-”

“Holy shit, no, it’s fine!” Bambam interrupted him and Yugyeom looked up into his eyes. He had the most sincere look of amusement and fondness that Yugyeom regretted not looking into his eyes more. “Me and my friend, yes, the same one as the friend that left me at the karaoke alone, he told me that he wants to make up for abandoning me. I told him that I was going to just mail you the letter, but he insisted on me contacting you. And because neither of us actually thought this would work out, especially because you were only getting into college so it wasn’t likely that you would follow that page, we decided to mess around with it.”

“Oh my god,” Yugyeom exhaled with a chuckle.

Later, when he thought about it, he was really lucky. Bambam didn’t even want to contact him in the first place, just give back the letter. He didn’t think it would be appropriate. And the fact they actually met up was just thanks to a coincidence. After all, he would probably run into him one way or the other.

“I actually didn’t even want to respond to the post. Did you even read that thing? It doesn’t sound safe at all!” Yugyeom said and Bambam furiously nodded in agreement.

“I know, right! Then a comment appeared, saying they know what’s in the letter… If it wasn’t for Jackson, I wouldn’t ask for further information.”

“Who even wrote that comment? I swear to god, if it was Mark…”

“Wait, that name sounds familiar. I’m gonna take a look, hold on,” Bambam pulled out his phone and within an awkward minute showed the screen to Yugyeom.

 **_Park Jinyoung_ **  
_1 mutual friend: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul_  
_Add Friend  -  Follow  -  Message_ _  
_ Bio: I’m gonna kill Yugyeom

Well, Yugyeom wasn’t surprised.

“I fucking knew it,” he muttered quietly, but loud enough for the other to hear him. Bambam shared another laugh with Yugyeom, this time a quieter one, like if it was meant only for the two of them to hear it, and Yugyeom looked up from the screen into his eyes.

He could get used to that.

 

When they finally stood up from the table - after their mugs were long empty and the café was calming down - it was already past 9pm. They walked out into the coldness of the street and Yugyeom was hit with the realization that they will have to say goodnight to each other.

They were both awkwardly glancing around, standing next to the doorstep of the café, before Yugyeom finally took the courage and spoke up.

“Yo, thanks again for the letter. And hanging out here was fun, so if you ever find the time-” he stopped mid-sentence, staring at something behind Bambam’s shoulder.

“What? What’s happened?” Bambam asked after a moment of silence.

“It’s- My… My ex is walking right behind you, um…” he was unable to find words, his eyes trying not to look at the group of people in almost hearing distance from the two of them. It was unmistakingly _him_.

“Do you want me to maybe um… Don’t take this wrong, just… Do you want to… _win the breakup_?”

_What?_

Bambam wordlessly reached for his hand and Yugyeom suddenly understood what the older meant.

_Fuck it._

That was Yugyeom’s last thought before he glanced behind the latter’s shoulder for the last time and made a short step towards Bambam, bringing their faces close as if asking for permission and mindlessly putting one finger under the latter’s chin before finally closing the distance.

The kiss felt oddly familiar - the soft lips glistening with a flavoured lip balm and a light ting of a mentol strip (when the hell did he manage to use those?) - and if Yugyeom had to explain why it lasted for so long, he would blush and say that it was just so they could be sure the group of people with his ex had already walked past them. Bambam would say that as well, but he would add a wink to the end of his sentence.

When they eventually parted - Yugyeom’s hands on the latter’s waist and Bambam’s hands gripping on the opening of his jacket - the first thing they did was laugh, but quietly and with a hint of mischief. They pulled away completely and Bambam handed Yugyeom the white envelope.

“You’d almost forget it again,” he said with a chuckle and took a short step back, “See you again, sometime.”

“See you,” Yugyeom replied almost automatically and Bambam gave him a little wave as he turned around to walk away.


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, it's here! After a month! An update!  
> I hope you will like it ~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ft. a moodboard by @wingsthng !!! thank you so much again!!!

 

The coin flipped in the air, scintillating in the cold morning sunlight coming through the dusty shades, before it landed on the back of Yugyeom’s palm. He quickly used his other hand to cover it before turning it over and checking what side it landed on.

_Heads._

But wait, did heads mean positive or negative?

_Nevermind._

“Heads for yes, tails for no.”

Yugyeom tossed the coin once again, this time with a loud _clink_ as it made contact with his nail. He followed the metal chip with his eyes, almost having to tilt his head upwards.

_Heads for yes, tails for no._

It made an almost inaudible thud as it hit the mattress Yugyeom was currently sitting on, before it rolled off onto the floor.

Yugyeom exhaled loudly, eyeing the coin from his sitting position on his mattress, leaning against the wall. After contemplating for solid two minutes, he leaned over his knees and reached for the coin, getting it ready between his fingers for another toss.

_Clink._

This time, the sound didn’t however come from the coin. Yugyeom looked to his side to find his phone with the screen lit up with notification.

 **_Bambam_ ** _  
_ _yo what’s up i just talked to jac…_

Yugyeom hesitated for a millisecond before dropping the coin somewhere into the sheets and picking up the device.

It has had been a long while since him and Bambam had met, but their texting pattern was still irregular and rather awkward. Bambam would occasionally come up with a good topic for the conversation and both of them would try their best to keep the conversation going, which usually resulted in weird topics and Yugyeom having to excuse himself from the conversation.

Like the one time when Yugyeom’s attempt at flirting resulted in being asked “ _I can’t believe you’re still single with a face like that though, do you at least have a crush? You gotta have girls and boys falling to their knees for you_ ”, so he quickly typed “ _thanks but the last time someone went to their knees when seeing me was when jinyoung tripped over his shoelaces_ ” and logged off for nearly ten hours.

Yugyeom unlocked his phone to see the entire message. Shortly after, a second message bubble appeared.

 **_Bambam_ **  
_yo what’s up i just talked to jackson about naruto and he said he would want to marathon rewatch some episodes_ _  
_ so i was thinking maybe you’d want to join??? I remember you said it’s your fave

Was… Was Bambam inviting him to an anime marathon?

He tapped the blank space under the message and hesitated for a while, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard.

_i was actually just about to text you_

Yugyeom typed, but then deleted the text right after. Bambam didn’t need to know for how long has he been going over pros and cons of texting him. _Too clingy._

_yea sure when and where??_

That’s it. He read the message once again before letting out a small yelp and hitting the send button.

He couldn’t stop the train of thoughts though - will he have a chance to sleep over at Bambam’s place? Will there be the moment where he will pretend to stretch out his arm but end up putting it over Bambam’s shoulders? Will there be the awkward hand contact when reaching for the snacks? What about leaning on each other’s shoulders?

_umm what are you doing today?_

Yugyeom’s heart stopped. If Bambam wanted to waste no time and meet up as soon as possible, it would mean that he had only about eight hours to get ready. Which, in the perspective of someone who desperately wants their crush to like them back, is like five minutes.

Crush.

It was a crazy journey for Yugyeom to admit he had gotten himself a crush on Bambam. There was really no helping to it. The two of them found their way to each other through awkward late night conversations and cheesy pick-up lines, neither of them realizing what it all could mean. They didn’t share another kiss after the first one and they never even talked about it. They didn’t need to, or at least, they thought so. Yugyeom thought it was just something he had to deal with - Bambam probably only meant it as an act of common courtesy, as something he saved Yugyeom’s pride with. He couldn’t have known Yugyeom would take the kiss seriously. He didn’t intend it to be something meaningful. Or did he?

_nothing much, should i come over?_

Fortunately Bambam didn’t take too long to answer, making Yugyeom’s suffering over how eager he made himself sound easier.

_yea sure, i’ll pick you up at 5 if that’s ok??_

 

They eventually settled on meeting up in a fast food restaurant so they could pick up something for dinner and some snacks. Yugyeom, being the eager himself, arrived ten minutes earlier, so he ordered a cup of coffee so he wouldn’t fall asleep during the first episode (very disappointing even for a fast food coffee) and sat by a lonely table near the counter so Bambam would find him easily. He opened his messaging app and resumed his conversation with Mark.

 **_Yugyeom:_ ** _pls you still have the chance to join help i’m freaking out about this_  
**_Mark:_ ** _chill his roommate will be there right?_  
**_Mark:_ ** _so it’s not like Stuff can happen right_  
**_Yugyeom:_ ** _but it will be hella awkward either i will be the best friends block or the roommate will be the cockblock_  
**_Mark:_ ** _with this attitude i doubt you’d get laid anyways pls it will be fine i’m telling you_  
**_Yugyeom:_ ** _but hyung can’t you just go with me_  
**_Mark:_ ** _first of all no you can do this by yourself_  
**_Yugyeom:_ ** _no, second is………?_  
**_Mark:_ ** _………………..well_  
**_Mark:_ ** _i kinda_  
**_Mark:_ ** _am meeting up as well_  
**_Mark:_ ** _……. with Ka Yee, the exclassmate one night stand….._  
**_Yugyeom:_ ** _NO WAY_  
**_Yugyeom:_ ** _what even how did that happen_  
**_Mark:_ ** _well… we’ve been texting a lot and like ten mins ago he said he would “appreciate company” so whatever that means i’m going ok_  
**_Yugyeom:_ ** _WHAT_  
**_Yugyeom:_ ** _did mark tuan just go for a creepy booty call_ _  
_ **_Mark:_ ** uhh it’s not as weird as it sounds, Ka Yee says it’s like a squad thing or whatever and he doesn’t want to feel out of place so i doubt something is going to happen, it’s just that we didn’t actually talk about what really happened so we might as well right

Yugyeom exhaled and furrowed his brow in confusion. That was weird. Ka Yee first seemed like a douchebag, but Mark would usually refuse such proposal. Maybe he wasn’t such a douchebag.

Yugyeom automatically looked up when he heard someone entering the building and his head spinned once again that evening. Bambam. He immediately smiled at him and watched how the boy smiled back and hung his head to his chest (in embarrassment?). When he looked up again, his cheeks were red (it had to be from the cold outside). Yugyeom stood up, glancing at his phone for the last time before he pocketed it. He only barely read the last message Mark has sent him.

 **_Mark:_ ** _at least i’m willing to talk about it with him ok mr. It Was A Platonic Kiss Really_

 

They arrived to the dorm building almost thirty minutes later with bags full of food. The conversation luckily went smoothly, neither of them saying something too awkward or trying too much to flirt. They talked about rather neutral topic, basically what they didn’t get the chance to mention during their last encounter. Yugyeom told him he’s taking a gap year and that he loves dancing but that his parents didn’t want him to do it for a living so he ended up going to an university and working at various part time jobs during the gap year. Bambam explained that he’s taking fashion and design classes but that he’s not really sure what to do for a living either, for the time being working in the café they had been at together.

However, as they approached the doors to Bambam’s dorm, Yugyeom sensed something is wrong. Call it prediction or maybe… crippling fear of rejection, but he knew they shouldn’t have entered the room.

He saw multiple things at once in that very moment. Not only saw, _realized_.

There was Mark. Mark in Bambam’s dorm room. Mark with his wrists pinned down to the mattress by Bambam’s muscular roommate - Jackson. Mark with his t-shirt rolled up to his ribs and his mouth being occupied by his ex-classmate - Ka Yee. Jackson was Ka Yee.

Before he could even begin to process what was happening, he already heard the boy standing next to him speak up in rather unimpressed voice.

“Jackson, come on! I thought you were joking! Are you serious!? We planned this!” Bambam walked into the room and stood next to his bed, looking at the two boys who were both equally embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I think I should go,” Mark mumbled, avoiding any eye contact. He wanted to move, but Jackson’s hands and his legs planted on both sides of his thighs prevented him from doing so.

“No, you don’t have to, I’ll-” Jackson attempted to stop him, but was interrupted by a new voice coming from the doorway.

“Mark? Is that you?” Yugyeom said in pure confusion, approaching the bed.

“Yugyeom?”

“Wait, you guys know each other?”

“Jackson, get off him, the poor guy is going to break his neck if anyone else new comes here. That isn’t a very comfortable position, yknow. Well, I suppose you wouldn’t, since-”

“Wait, _he_ is Yugyeom? Is he blind or deaf that he’s willing to spend time with you?”

“Mark, I thought you wouldn’t go for a booty call this stupid-”

“I told you it’s not a-”

“Wait, it isn’t, I, um, ok-”

“I thought we were going to watch Naruto! Come on!”

Eventually, the discussion died down and the four of them just awkwardly remained in their positions, looking at each other, Jackson still on top of Mark.

“So are you gonna… Or…”  Jackson spoke up to break the silence, twitching his head to a side to suggest Bambam and Yugyeom to leave.

“We can be at my place,” Yugyeom said as fast as humanly possible, almost breaking his neck by how fast he looked at Bambam.

“Okay, bye guys,” Bambam got the message quickly. It was probably for the best to just leave the two of them alone.

 

Yugyeom was legit thinking he was going to die. Bambam was apparently playing the game of gay chicken and was not about to let Yugyeom win. They weren’t even five episodes in and Bambam was already pressed to his side, the two of them sitting on the mattress in the corner of the apartment, watching the laptop placed on a stool in front of them. He would probably justify his actions well - that he wanted to see on the screen without any image distortion. But Bambam knew that wasn’t quite the truth. Yes, it was true that the colors were coming out better when watched from this angle, but at this moment, he couldn’t care less about the colors.

“Hey, Bam,” Yugyeom said when the episode ended, “we should probably clean up and um, I’ll probably change, the jeans are really not comfortable.” Bambam eyed their surroundings - plastic and paper wrappers lying around, cans with soft drinks opened in places where they could easily spill.

“That’s a good idea, where is the trashcan?” Bambam asked as they both got up and stretched. He then reached for a now empty bag from chips and crumpled it in his fist.

“Here in the corner, but…”  Yugyeom pointed at a narrow cylinder, hidden under a thick cover of instant noodles wrappers, “This is embarrassing, I’m afraid I’ll have to take it out.”

“No, no, I should do it,” Bambam protested and started gathering all the wrappers into one of the take-out bags.

“Bam, you’re not taking out the trash for me, I-” Yugyeom followed him and tried to take the bags from him, unsuccessfully.

“No, Yugyeom,” Bambam almost shouted and gained all of Yugyeom’s attention by using his name, “I will do it. You can change in the meantime, okay?”

After he gave the older boy instructions to where he should put the trash, he changed into sweatpants as fast as possible to avoid being caught pant-less. But then he realized something. Would Bambam want to sleep over? If yes… Should he offer him clothes to change into? Where would he sleep?

The train of thoughts was suddenly interrupted by Bambam returning with a confused fake smile on his face.

“Your neighbour is… very friendly,” he said, furrowing his brow.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, he’s just so weird,” Yugyeom said, embarrassingly scratching the back of his neck.

“By the way, I just got a text from Jackson,” he said, pulling out his phone to show the message to the latter.

 **_Jackson_ ** _  
_ _yo man i’m so sorry mark just fell asleep and i don’t think it would be a good idea for you to come back. i owe you, sorry_

“Does that mean…”

“Do you think I could sleep over? I feel so stupid for this, I swear this isn’t like a setup or anything…”

“No!” Yugyeom said, maybe too eager, resulting in Bambam looking rather flustered, “No I mean, I don’t mind! Um, I mean… If you have no other choice of course you can stay, that is, um.” It made Yugyeom blush a little bit to think about the pure fact that Bambam had thought it could look like a setup, that there could even be a chance that Bambam would plan to spend the night.

“Oh, okay,” Bambam lowered his head to push something on the screen of his phone and Yugyeom could swear he saw him trying to hide a blushing smile as he muttered “thank you.”

For a short while they just stood there, Yugyeom in his sleeping attire playing with the ends of the sleeves of his hoodie, and Bambam still doing something on the phone. Yugyeom was losing himself watching him - how come he was so lucky and ended up like this? Spending a late evening by marathoning an anime with his crush, a boy this pretty, sitting glued to his arm.

“Do you want to continue now?” Bambam broke the silence and motioned to the laptop that was currently showing a frame of end credits. Yugyeom was brought back to the reality and found the boy staring at him in question.

“Yeah, sure,” he managed and sat down on the bed. Bambam followed after him, the distance between their shoulders being barely the length of the hair on the back of Bambam’s head.

Yugyeom was just about to press play on the next episode when he mentally facepalmed.

“Wait, Bam,” he said, turning his torso towards the latter, “do you maybe… want to borrow something to sleep in?” He motioned to the skinny jeans that were currently torturing both Bambam and Yugyeom (in different ways, though).

“Ah,” Bambam noticed and realized how uncomfortable his jeans and a belt were in the sitting position they were both in. The button-down wasn’t exactly the kind to allow lying around either. “I uh, I think I will manage, um, don’t, don’t worry about that,” he chuckled, visibly flustered.

“No, I mean it,” Yugyeom said as he got up to go through his dresser. Before Bambam could object or physically stop him, he was already pulling out a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Yugyeom, no-”

“It’s okay, really.”

“O-okay,” Bambam finally agreed and stood up to take the clothes from him. Yugyeom smiled and told him to change in the bathroom, so Bambam did.

 

Yugyeom didn’t know what the episode was about. All he could think about was how Bambam looked in his shirt - it was only a little bit oversized for Yugyeom but it was basically enveloping the smaller boy’s frame, the bottom hem covering the pockets of the gray sweats. He didn’t even pick out a shirt that would be between his pajama or home t-shirts, it was actually one of his favourites. And _damn_ , Bambam looked so good in it.

Yugyeom briefly wondered how would it look tossed onto the floor or tangled in the bed sheets.

_No, repress that thought. Not now, not now._

He knew that if he glanced at Bambam he wouldn’t tear his eyes away, so he resulted in staring into the void between himself and the bright screen.

He felt movement next to him so he allowed himself to look and saw Bambam snuggling closer to him. _Wait, is he cudd-_ the train of thoughts set off a siren, but it immediately stopped when just a second later he noticed Bambam putting his arms around himself, covering his forearms with his palms. _Wow, you dumbass,_ Yugyeom cursed at himself.

He immediately got up and went to the closet to retrieve a blanket that he had used as an extra layer during the cold days, switched off the lamp that was uselessly turned on in the corner, and paced back to the bed. He unfolded the blanket and Bambam helped him to cover both of them, tucking in the hems so no coldness could get under.

So that was it, Yugyeom was cuddling with the most handsome boy in the entire universe who was wearing his favourite clothes and was going to be the first thing he will see when he wakes up in the morning.

Which reminded him…

Where was Bambam going to sleep?

 

It turned out that the problem with lack of place to sleep solved itself. They were another 2 episodes in, Yugyeom’s focus finally getting better but not Bambam’s. Yugyeom sometimes said a comment to what was happening on the screen, but as the time passed, Bambam’s responses slowly became more and more simple.

“This part is kinda weird, like the animation suddenly changes in few frames? Did you notice that?” he asked, but no response came from Bambam’s direction. Yugyeom turned his head to look at him and saw the boy with his head lowered so his chin almost touched his chest. One unfortunate shift from Yugyeom and -

Bambam was cuddled into his side, his shoulder being the only thing that prevented him from falling down onto Yugyeom’s thighs.

_Is this what heart attack feels like?_

Bambam looked so peaceful, with hair falling into his eyes and lips ajar. Yugyeom carefully reached his hand to sweep some of the dyed strands on the side. His fingers lingered for a second on the latter’s temple as he recalled how he had held his finger under Bambam’s chin second before they kissed in front of that café.

Would he ever get such chance again?

Yugyeom carefully reached for the laptop and turned it off, shoving it back onto the stool. As his eyes got accommodated to the lack of light he found himself hesitating what to do - should he just stay like this and fall asleep in upright position and then wake up with an aching back and neck? Or should he risk waking Bambam up and lower him onto the mattress? And what would he do? Lie down next to him? What would he tell him in the morning?

But Yugyeom’s brain was too tired to make complicated plans and Bambam looked so innocent and dreamy wearing his oversized t-shirt and the blanket made a perfect cocon full of warmth and the feeling of _home_ ; so he carefully captured Bambam’s shoulders and lowered him to lay on the pillow and he himself shifted to lay behind him, pulling the duvet over themselves. Bambam didn’t even flinch, instead purchasing more of the sheets to pull closer to. Yugyeom watched him although he mostly saw only the back of his head and the muscles on his neck. He himself laid on his back - an unusual position, but at the moment it was the most suitable one - falling asleep to the sound of Bambam’s steady breathing.

 

Yugyeom woke up slowly, enjoying the warmth around him that welcomed him in the new day. There was light coming from the window, signifying that it had to be almost 10am for the sun to shine so brightly on the clear autumn sky. It made him want to go shopping, to stroll through boulevards and to sit in a comfortable café, right next to the window to watch the brown leaves flutter in the wind.

And to do all of it with a pretty boy he could hold hands with and kiss between the clothing racks and kiss over warm coffee and kiss under a rain of the leaves falling down from the tree branches.

Bambam.

The boy that he was almost scared to find lying right next to him, looking exactly like he looked eight hours ago. The exact same innocence but also something that made him look so unbelievably attractive. _Breathtaking_ , was the word.

What was worse, Bambam was partially cuddling him. He laid with one of his arms on the bottom of Yugyeom’s ribs and his head on his shoulder so the rest of his body was mostly leaning against Yugyeom’s side, resulting in extreme cuddling conditions, too intimate for just a friendly sharing of a bed.

Yugyeom was just about to start thinking of the best escape route to avoid any awkward conversations he dreaded ever since he fell asleep, when the body next to him started to stir and eventually he found Bambam glancing back at him and smiling a little bit, despite the visible sleepiness. Bambam slowly pulled away and fell face first into the pillow, groaning when he heard Yugyeom chuckle at his sleepy state.

Is this going to belong to the list of things they will never talk about?

They exchanged tired good mornings without much fuss about how they woke up. Yugyeom sat up and carelessly ruffled his hair to make sure the strands weren’t going too wild. He reached for his phone on the bedside table - for that he almost fell on Bambam - and squinted to read what time it was. He let Bambam continue in the slow process of waking up and he himself stood up and got to the table and put the water to boil. He took two cups from the cabinet and prepared himself instant coffee.

“Bam,” he said as carefully as possible, “you want coffee or tea?”

“Hm… The same as you,” Bambam muttered groggily and Yugyeom had to hide yet another chuckle. Was Bambam always like this after he woke up?

He would pay a fortune to find out.

When the coffee was ready, Yugyeom brought it over to the bed and handed one of the cups to Bambam, who sat up lazily and made room for Yugyeom to sit on the edge of the mattress. Bambam sipped the coffee - nothing special in taste but priceless in terms of service - and extended his hand to capture his phone from the bedside table. He pressed a button to wake it up and found two new messages, only a hour old.

 **_Jackson_ ** _  
_ _fyi the coast is clear now, don’t forget about the plan for today_

 **_Jaebum_ ** _  
_ _yo jacks said you’re at someone’s place, text me the address so we can pick you up_

“Yo,” Bambam cleared his throat, “how long can I stay here? I need to get ready for the day, my friend is going to pick me up.”

“Um, well, I guess it doesn’t matter, leave when you’re ready to.”

“Really? I already was a nuisance, um…”

“Bambam,” Yugyeom made an emphasis, “You weren’t and you’re not. If you don’t want to wear the shirt from yesterday I can borrow you mine and you will return it when you can, okay?”

“Yugyeom, you can’t be doing this!” Bambam protested.

“No, when I say you can, you can. I don’t want you running around the city in day old clothes.”

“Yugyeom…”

“I said it’s okay,” he sighed, looking at the sulking boy.

“...You’re honestly too good for this world,” Bambam said in an almost whiny tone and Yugyeom smiled.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, both checking their social media on their phones and sipping on the coffee. Yugyeom was first to finish it so he retrieved a fluffy sweater that he didn’t wear too much because it felt little bit tight on him, but it would fit Bambam perfectly. He left it for him next to him on the mattress and went to the bathroom to change, take a brisk shower and brush his teeth. When he finally felt clean again and was sure that Bambam had enough time to change, he put all of the products that Bambam would maybe want to use to the front and exited the bathroom.

Bambam - as Yugyeom saw him as the first thing when he entered the room - was ready to become a fashion idol. How come someone could have a day old makeup and hair and wear a borrowed sweater and look this stunning?

“Take a picture, lasts longer,” Bambam laughed and Yugyeom realized he had been staring. This was the same person that became shy on the thought of wearing someone’s pajamas.

“I found out I had one spare unwrapped toothbrush in the bathroom, so you can use that. Also feel free to use anything you need, it’s not like I’m sharing it with anyone anyways, so,” Yugyeom explained and before Bambam could protest, he was already being shoved into the bathroom.

 

They were sitting outside the block of apartments, on the stairs leading to the main entrance, when Bambam finally got a text from Jaebum that he would pick him up in four minutes. Yugyeom didn’t put on any fancy clothes as it was useless when he was going to spend the rest of the day alone, but Bambam was all ready to leave.

“Yugyeom, um,” Bambam started, “thanks for yesterday. I’m so sorry it was kind of a flop, but I still enjoyed it, we should do this again sometime.”

“I enjoyed it too, don’t worry,” Yugyeom smiled back at him, “it’s not like I get visits often, anyways.”

“I’ll make sure to pay you back somehow for all of _this_ ,” Bambam said, humbly talking into the cold concrete stairs.

“Don’t worry about it,” Yugyeom’s answer followed shortly after, for he had been deep in thoughts. After a while, he finally picked up all of his courage and spoke up again.

_Fuck it._

“Bambam…” he said to make him face him, “Remember… What we did the last time we said goodbye?” Bambam nodded, almost unnoticeably. “Do you think… We could do that again?”

Bambam smiled and nodded again. He brought one of his palms to Yugyeom’s cheek and moved closer. He tried to maintain the eye contact, but his eyes automatically focused at the latter’s lips and in that moment, he knew he was lost.

There was no way how to back up now.

Bambam carefully closed the distance between them, pressing a gentle kiss onto the Yugyeom’s lips, getting him to kiss back slowly, savouring the sensation and letting the butterflies flutter in his stomach. It was a lazy kiss but no less powerful and this time there was no excuse either of them would hide behind.

Even though they wouldn’t ever think that it was a mutual interest.

“Yo, get it, Bambam!”

Jackson _fucking_ Wang.

The two of them quickly pulled away, Yugyeom quickly hiding his face because of the embarrassment. There was a car coming to a halt right across the sidewalk and a familiar face was looking out of the shotgun window - Jackson with his hands cupped in front of his mouth as an amplifier and a wide grin that stretched across his face.

Bambam got up, visibly not embarrassed at all and looked at Jackson with the exact same expression as the evening before.

“ _‘Yo, get it, Jackson!’_ ” Bambam mocked him in a high pitched voice, “get it yourself. Where’s Mark, anyways…” Bambam muttered the end of the sentence, not really interested in the topic. Jackson was surely the one to talk - he was the one they caught pinning another boy under himself not even 12 hours ago.

Yugyeom got up as well, walking few steps behind Bambam so he could say goodbye. That allowed him to see inside of the car and to see that the driver was in fact a very good looking young man, probably around Jackson’s age, but with heavily pierced ears and a lip ring. As he briefly watched the discussion, he thought of only one thing - if Bambam was surrounded by faces like Jackson and the driver (Jongbae? Jeongbeom?), he had to had a hell of a standard for looks. Therefore he himself stood no chance.

“Glad to see you again, Yugyeom!” Jackson greeted him and Yugyeom managed an awkward “hi” and a wave. Bambam turned to face him for a second, just to smile apologetically and then turn back on his heels. “You got everything, Bam? Your phone, wallet, dignity?”

“You’re a jerk, Wang,” Bambam whined and then turned around again to talk to Yugyeom, “thanks again, I’ll make sure to give you back the sweatshirt. I’ll text you later about it.”

“No problem,” Yugyeom said, unsure of what tone to speak in to not sound overly confident or too formal, “See you next time, I guess.”

“Yeah, next time,” Bambam smiled at him as he got into the back seat, eyes still fixated on the younger.

They exchanged a little wave as the car exited the front of the apartment block and Yugyeom headed back into the building.

 

“I want details,” Jackson said as soon as they were out of earshot, “and by details I don’t mean just what happened, I want _details_.”

“Please, Jackson…” Bambam whined.

“ _Details_ , okay? Like, who topped and stuff, yknow?”

“Jackson!” Bambam shouted over him, “nothing much happened, okay?!”

“Oh,” Jackson hesitated for a few seconds, analyzing if he had stepped over a line or not, but when he took a breath to continue, Bambam was already ahead.

“We kissed and I might have cuddled him when I fell asleep,” he muttered, not sounding very happy about the situation, “and I wore his clothes and this sweater is also his.”

“Why do you sound so sad about it?! Isn’t this what you were imagining ever since the day one?”

“I don’t know… I’m not sure if he’s not just confused from the breakup and… I don’t want to be there when he finds out he doesn’t need me.” _That I’m no more for him than just a mouth to kiss and warm body to lie next to. That he wants a boyfriend, not an erratic boy. That he deserves so much more._

“Oh.”

“But!” Bambam changed his tone completely, grasping at the front seat excitedly, “How did it go with Mark? I want _details_. Did you do the do?”

“Ah, shut up,” Jackson pretended to whine out of embarrassment, before he began an endless rant.

 

Yugyeom sat on his bed, perplexed.

Did he just ask for another kiss from Bambam?

Why did his sleep-hazed mind allow him that? Why would he be so obvious? What was Bambam thinking now?

_Probably never wants to see you again._

Yugyeom groaned and flopped down onto the mattress. Why was he so stupid?

They were barely friends. They knew each other for only few weeks. Bambam helped him to deal with his ex and continued texting him so he wouldn’t feel rejected again, so soon after a breakup.

And Yugyeom fucked it all up by asking for a kiss.

Why did he even dare to do so? Why did he think that Bambam could’ve been attracted to him? Bambam was handsome, funny, smart, cute, fashionable… And Yugyeom was just another student with no goals in life and tragic love life.

_So why the hell did you kiss him, asshole?!_

Yugyeom shouted at himself in his head and screamed into the pillow while kicking his limbs around like a small kid throwing a tantrum. The butterflies in his stomach from earlier suddenly erupted at the thought of the kiss, this time burning his insides and making him let out another scream muffled by the pillow as if he wanted to rub off the lingering sensation into the linen.

It was all Bambam’s fault anyways. Him, with his perfect smile and cute cheeks in contrast with a jaw cut out of marble, with his stupid hair that looked so _right_ when ruffled by Yugyeom’s pillow, with his stupid fashion sense that enhanced his figure and made Yugyeom’s knees go so weak. Who even gave him the right to be like this? Attractive and completely unavailable.

There was something in his head that told him that no, Bambam wasn’t unavailable, Bambam was the one leaning in when he asked for a kiss, Bambam was the one accepting his clothes and after all, Bambam was the one looking for Yugyeom in the first place. But Yugyeom repressed the thought as quickly as he had previously repressed the images of both Bambam in his shirt and Bambam without his shirt. As those were both ridiculous thoughts and the only place for thoughts like that was in the deep corners of Yugyeom’s mind, along with the thoughts such as “would you rather have unreciprocated feelings for a thai boy or rip out all of your insides.” Because with all honesty, that’s what falling for Bambam felt like.

 

Mark visited Yugyeom just in time for lunch to explain previous night, obviously taking two portions of instant ramen to share with him, so they prepared it and ate without much thought about whether it was healthy to do so every weekend or not. Mark however first forced Yugyeom to describe what had happened to him so he rather unwillingly did so, with a lot of blushing and awkward lack of eye contact.

“...And then he stepped into the car and I can still hear Jackson’s weird laugh he produced as they drove away,” Yugyeom explained as they sat on his mattress, cross legged and with a bag of (also very healthy) chips in each hand. Mark only chuckled at that, looking into the almost empty bag of the snack.

“Yeah, I know which laugh you mean, it is weird,” he agreed.

“Now you tell me what happened, that’s what you’re here for,” Yugyeom whined and nudged Mark with his foot.

“Okay, okay. So,” Mark began, “basically I got a text from Ka Yee that there’s some get-together in his dorm and that, and I swear those were his words, ‘the people are a couple’ and that he ‘doesn’t want to be a third wheel’.” Mark made air quotes but Yugyeom only rolled his eyes on that. “And I was already dressed so I said why not. I will either be a third wheel or save someone from being one, y’know?”

Yugyeom looked at him as if he just confessed to a murder. “Are you kidding me?!”

“What! I didn’t know it was you and the hot thai sauce!”

“ _Hot thai sauce_?! The fuck?!”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t thought of-”

“Shut up!” Yugyeom whined in a friendly manner. Ever since he dated a thai guy ( _that jerk, seriously_ ), the references didn’t stop. Now he couldn’t even suggest getting thai food when hanging out.

“But…” Mark inhaled, as if preparing for another blow but then he stuttered and let out the breath slowly, before continuing in a more friendly tone. “It turned out to be a good thing, didn’t it? I mean, if you guys kissed again…”

“No, it didn’t?” Yugyeom complained as if Mark’s hypothesis was the most stupid thing ever. Which it obviously was.

“What do you mean?”

“It was terrible! He took out my trash, he met my neighbour who probably said things to him and then he had to squeeze himself on my bed. And I, on top of that, ask him for a fucking kiss. Now describe me what part of that would indicate it was a good idea.”

Mark looked at him with an expression that said _Gyeom, I love you, but you’re also the biggest dumbass I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet_.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Yugyeom opposed.

“I think you’re looking at it from the wrong perspective,” Mark said and Yugyeom didn’t answer - acknowledging the thought but not agreeing with it.

“Whatever,” he eventually said after taking a mouthful of chips, those that were forgotten for a while in his lap, “continue with the story. About you and the chinese hot chilli dumpling.”

“First, he’s from Hong Kong. Second, I deserved that. But third, don’t copy my jokes,” Mark explained and they both chuckled. “So, I arrived at his place and we went upstairs and he was kinda… Eager, let’s say.” Yugyeom made a disgusted face as he continued in stuffing chips into his face. “Well, we were talking for a while but then the conversation somehow… Got out of control. We were talking about what’s been between us in the school and what changed and why even that thing back at the party happened and he kinda… confessed to me that he missed me a lot since we graduated and was upset that he didn’t try to initiate something back in school. And then he actually initiated something and that was when you and Bambam came.

“So I wanted to take the opportunity and leave before something could happen, because I wasn’t really sure about it, like do I even want to be spending time with Ka Yee? But he didn’t let me go and when you walked away I got it together and told him I didn’t want to do anything, at least not that night. So we ordered some food and talked about random stuff from our lives, then about you and Bambam and then we watched some videos on YouTube and I fell asleep and when I woke up I found him sleeping in Bambam’s bed. He told me he’s going to the city with his friends but that they can give me a ride to my place. So yeah, that’s what actually happened.”

“Woah.” Yugyeom was stunned by how polite Jackson actually seemed from Mark’s point of view, not like the persona he showed off to Bambam and himself.

“I’m still not sure about what I’m going to do about the situation,” Mark sighed, “I’m just going to let it develop somehow.”

Yugyeom nodded at that but didn’t contribute with anything. From what he assumed, Jackson was a pushy impatient someone who was desperate to get into the pants of anybody with a pretty face. It was hard to believe that Jackson would actually want to be in a relationship with someone and although Yugyeom knew he shouldn’t judge him based on few things he heard and how he acted when he saw him and Bambam together, he just couldn’t shake off the feeling. There was something odd about Jackson.

 

“Why are you so weird, Jackson,” Bambam whined as a response to Jackson’s teasing. Jaebum, who was at the moment behind the steering wheel, wasn’t contributing much to the conversation so he could focus better on the busy traffic, but he did chuckle along here and there.

“Thank you very much,” Jackson replied in an overly kind voice, “but let me continue. So at that point I was already like so stressed out. I’m sitting there, laptop balanced on our knees, I was still hugging that pillow to calm down the other Wang in the room-”

“Jackson, I’m throwing you out of the car if you refer to it like this again,” Jaebum interfered, but Jackson only shrugged it off and continued.

“And of course, Yi En, y’know, Mark, the most gorgeous guy and the actual senpai back in high school, falling asleep on my shoulder. And that was when _you_ ,” Jackson pointed at Bambam, “texted me that you about how well your evening is going. I honestly thought I’m going to kill-”

“Hey, it wasn’t so successful-”

“You texted, and I’m quoting ‘ _he’s so fuckin gorgeous please explain how exactly i deserved to cuddle with him_ ’. That sounds pretty successful to me.”

“I only- I mean, you saw him. You gotta admit he’s gorgeous.”

“He _might_ have a good face, but damn, have you seen _Mark’s_ ? Have you seen _the rest of Mark_?”

“But that’s-”

“No, I don’t think you did!”

“ _Kids!_ ” Jaebum finally interrupted them.

“ _Kids?!_ Really? I’m literally only 81 days younger than-”

“ _Jackson_. Will you,” Jaebum sighed, “please. I’m single. Consider that. Also you’re not making any sense. Also we just arrived.”

Jackson only then looked out of the window and realized the car was already parked in an underground parking lot.

 

 **_Bambam_ ** _  
_ _just got sexiled by jackson and i really need to revise for a test, can i come over?_

When Yugyeom got the text, it had already been almost two weeks after their last in-person meeting. Yugyeom was in the middle of reading through study materials he had thought could be useful in college, and if Bambam’s intention was to be quiet he wouldn’t mind him being there.

And he really wanted to see him again.

After Bambam’s last visit the two of them texted a little above the usual amount and after exchanging Snapchat handles, Yugyeom couldn’t help himself but to always replay Bambam’s selfies and keep opening the app every other minute to check on what was happening in the other’s life.

Bambam was probably way too sure that Yugyeom is at home - after all, he mostly hung out with Mark. However, Yugyeom didn’t think twice about it and typed a reply.

_sure, bring some snacks_

He hesitated before sending it - should he add that he should bring his sleepwear too? But what if he was already out of the room? He eventually hit the send button without thinking apart from a tiny voice in his head that said _maybe he’ll borrow my clothes again_.

Bambam, although he was wearing sweatpants and his makeup wasn’t as heavy as sometimes, still managed to look like the most beautiful creature the world has ever seen. Or at least, Yugyeom has. As they got comfortable on the bed, sitting in the opposite corners and sharing the junk food that Bambam skillfully arranged between them without spilling any oils onto the white linen, Yugyeom realized Bambam is really planning on revising - he expected at least some interaction that he would try to distract himself with. Mostly because he also needed a distraction from the boring text he was desperately trying to understand.

After two hours and something, the distractions came in all their might. Bambam looked really frustrated and upset because of the test as he let out a groan that lasted at least half a minute. He leaned his head against the wall behind him and hit his knees with the textbook few times and kicked his feet in the air few times. Yugyeom couldn’t help but to chuckle at the sight, he himself already gave up on being productive.

“Gyeommie,” Bambam whined and Yugyeom felt fluttering in his stomach at hearing the nickname, “You don’t even know how much I’m suffering right now. I slept through half of the classes, I don’t recall most of this stuff… How the hell am I supposed to pass?” Bambam however didn’t mention that he slept through the classes because of the lack of sleep caused by texting Yugyeom until late night, or that the other half of his classes he spent actually texting Yugyeom or at least daydreaming.

Yugyeom soon after that found out that Bambam had already brought clothes to sleep in, but also the clothes that Yugyeom had borrowed him - apart from a hoodie and Yugyeom decided to pretend he didn’t remember it so he didn’t ask for it. (As there was no such image as Bambam, all drowsy, wearing an oversized hoodie with the sleeves gathered in fists, the hood pressing his hair onto his forehead making him look all cute and cuddly.) Yugyeom was not able to describe the sensation going through his entire torso upon realizing the toothbrush Bambam had borrowed from him the last time was still there in his bathroom, put into the ripped-open original packaging, ready to be used again; in other words: Bambam had his own toothbrush in Yugyeom’s bathroom.

As it got late, Bambam eventually gave up on revising and reluctantly agreed to share bed with Yugyeom again. This time, Yugyeom turned around to face the wall to accommodate to Bambam’s reluctancy better and didn’t plan to dare to move from the position until he was absolutely sure that Bambam was sound asleep.

At least an hour had passed and Yugyeom was still awake. The only sound in the room were quiet breaths echoing from behind him, spreading warm air towards Yugyeom’s bare neck. Bambam had been stirring a little bit in his sleep - there were mere inches between them and Yugyeom heard every little movement, from the clenching of Bambam’s fist on the material of the covers, to adorable clicking of tongue here and there, and what was the worst - occasional well audible gasps and little moans.

_Well, better not get a boner now._

There was something so… adrenalin-inducting about falling for Bambam. He realized it as he eventually allowed himself to turn around to face Bambam - if the boy hadn’t been asleep, he would have never dared to look at him from such distance. To be able to study his facial features like this, his eyes closed effortlessly under the weight of dreams and ajar lips brushing against the pillow, Yugyeom had to be really lucky.

 

Until he had met Yugyeom, Bambam had had only few things that made him instantly, effortlessly happy: getting a 75% discount on loyal cards from his favourite clothing stores, getting compliments along the lines of “damn, you look like a kpop star”, or not having to show his ID whenever he wanted to buy alcohol.

But after meeting Yugyeom, more and more things started appearing on his imaginary list: being called “Bam” _by Yugyeom_ , getting goodnight texts _from Yugyeom_ , being kept awake until very late _by Yugyeom_ , hearing his favourite song being hummed _by Yugyeom_ , falling asleep enveloped by a familiar warmth _from Yugyeom_ , wearing clothes that smelled like _Yugyeom_ , waking up to find a warm palm pressed against his belly and legs intertwined - _Yugyeom_.

 

Couple of days went by after that, and eventually, it had become a habit for them - Yugyeom eventually stopped asking why is it that Bambam is sleeping over and Bambam stopped coming up with excuses. Bambam would always text beforehand, despite the fact that he would have been already on his way, and Yugyeom would agree under the condition that Bambam would bring food - which he would have already bought.

They would never go anywhere else - no cinema, no going shopping to the mall, no going to the park, no late evening cafés. Maybe it would be a change of the habit, but mostly it was the fact that it could also count as a date - and study sleepover was clearly only for the purpose of studying where the line was clearly drawn and there was no crossing it.

And although both Yugyeom and Bambam were content with it… they weren’t.

Yugyeom was being slowly eaten alive by his feelings for Bambam.

Bambam was being slowly eaten alive by his feelings for Yugyeom.

It was clear to both of them that the relationship they had was not to last long at a point like that. But neither of them would want to initiate a change.

 

It was on a particularly cold evening, that kind of cold that creates gorgeous snowflakes and deadly chilblains, when Bambam’s heart froze too. It wasn’t from the cold, no (although being skinny like Bambam certainly did not help to fight low temperatures), it was a kind of a frostbite.

Bambam had always thought that lovebites are fascinating - they are the only kind of pain mark that come from love. The frostbite he got on his heart proved him otherwise: love can destroy you in multiple ways.

It also wasn’t until that evening that Bambam realized how much he actually relied on Yugyeom just kind of… always being there. Always agreeing to hang out. Always agreeing to share bed. Never had he really considered that Yugyeom might one day just say _no, no I can’t today. I have plans._

_I met someone._

That thought struck him on that evening, just as he was passing that one café, the one they had kissed in front of. He didn’t notice the thought right away, he was already midst writing a text to Yugyeom if he can sleepover again.

 **_Bambam_ ** _  
_ _can I stop by?_

What if he’ll say no?

As Yugyeom didn’t even view the message right away, Bambam continued on his way to the apartment block, the way that was well familiar to him and basically a second home at that point.

It was when he was passing a bus stop when he saw it.

Yugyeom was talking with someone that Bambam could only roughly identify as a boy he had seen few times in old pictures on Yugyeom’s Instagram, on those pictures that had a lot of heart emojis under them and a lot of cheesy comments.

On the phone screen, Bambam would barely scoff upon seeing his face, but in reality… The boy was really something and he couldn’t help but to admit that he actually looked pretty good. ( _Better than you_ , Bambam’s inner voice said.) And he was talking to Yugyeom, laughing and waving his arms around. Yugyeom had his hands in his pockets rather awkwardly but was smiling nonetheless, seemingly enjoying the exchange.

Bambam, watching from afar, would have maybe first try to not think about it being something meaningful - hell, people could still meet up with their exes, right? - but that was only until he saw the shorter boy giving Yugyeom a piece of paper, probably a business card, after he had written something on the back of it. Yugyeom accepted it with a shy smile and that was when Bambam turned on his heel to head back into his dorm.

He had barely walked few steps until the tears started to flood his eyes and he had to try hard to not let them spill. How could have he been so stupid and naïve? Of course it was going to end up like this. He himself predicted it. He means nothing to Yugyeom, just a toy he can throw away when he isn’t playing with it anymore.

Get himself attached and let his heart get stepped on. Frozen piece of muscle shattering into small shards that burned in his lungs and flood his thoughts with tears and hiccups. He eventually started running in the direction of his dorm, hoping that strangers won’t notice that he was been crying.

 

Yugyeom closed the door to his apartment and barely took off his shoes before his knees gave up and he slid down the door to sit on the cold floor. He finally let out the sob he had been holding in for what felt like an eternity and hid his face into his palms. He only realized he had been crying when he heard as one drop hit some kind of glossy surface, some piece of paper half crumpled in his palm.

Yugyeom opened his eyes to observe the object, but he immediately shut them as he recalled - a business card he received not even an hour ago with a name that was far too much familiar to him and a personal phone number that he wished he didn’t have burned into his memory forever.

He was so angry with himself. Why did he even talk to him? Why did he pretend that he was fine and that he had believed all of the stupid excuses?

 _“I’m really sorry, there was a dancing competition in Bangkok and I technically wasn’t on the list but one competitor cancelled last minute so I was invited as a backup,”_ Yugyeom replayed the all-too-familiar voice in his head, _“you know how much I needed the extra credit. I’ve been working so hard on my dancing and this was like… the first opportunity to show how much I can do. … And… I won! There is a lot of attention aimed at me now, I’m spending the entire day in the studio, preparing for the next competition. Fortunately, I can sometimes find a little bit time for myself. Not that I would be dating anyone at this point, but y’know… If there was someone…”_

Yugyeom punched the floor with the fist that he was squeezing the business card in and let out another series of sobs. There wasn’t even a reason to fuss over it at that point - he was already over his ex. He was just angry at himself - why didn’t he say something? Why didn’t he tell him to fuck off? Why didn’t he reproach him? He couldn’t even imagine himself getting back together, and any time he did imagine dating him again, sitting across from him in a café, waking up next to him, kissing him… another face popped up instead. The face of a person he couldn’t ever have - Bambam.

It took him almost an hour to finally get up and to check the notification he could only hardly recall getting, as it was hard to feel anything in that moment.

 **_Bambam_ ** _  
_ _can I stop by?_

Yugyeom didn’t know whether to smile or to cry again, so he didn’t do either, instead typed a reply and hoped that the sadness would go away quickly.

 **_Yugyeom_ ** _  
_ _yeah sure sorry for late reply_

He waited few minutes, observing the screen of his phone.

 **_Bambam_ ** _  
_ _shit sory somthgni coame upp seey ou som ohter time_

Yugyeom eyed the message for few seconds, trying to decypher what was Bambam trying to say, before sighing. It was pretty weird for Bambam to make this many typos, but he decided to not question it much. Bambam probably lost all interest in him now, anyways. He knew it would come eventually, maybe it was better for Yugyeom to receive all the heartbreak at once.

He didn’t deserve Bambam, anyways.

 

Only an hour after, when he was preparing dinner, he came back to his phone to a thread of weird texts, all from Bambam.

 **_Bambam_ **  
_hyo fuck facr_  
_rmeember teh one bar we takled abt_  
_rheri soju is glorsius_  
_idkk juts fyi_  
_i thnk ima make out wiht th barman_  
_ha  h  o kk hes not into it hah nvm_  
_gyom i think i made a mstkae_  
_vanna bet ill punch the barmanm_  
_y u not respopngig do yoi evn live me_ _  
_ do yiu tjink blakc eyeses r hot

Yugyeom blinked few times as he read through the messages with a disturbing number of typos. A blink of an eye later, an overwhelming sense of panic ran through him - was Bambam safe? Did he get hurt?

He immediately got up - he knew what bar Bambam was at, they had talked about it countless times as it was located quite near. As he put on his coat and began putting on his shoes, he dialled Bambam’s number, the digits he already knew by heart.

“Bam, come on, pick up, pick up,” he impatiently muttered to himself as if the later could hear him. He didn’t even register that it has gotten noticeably colder, the only thing on his mind being Bambam’s safety. He was just about to cross a street when his phone vibrated as a sign that the call was answered.

“Yo, Gyeom! You… you’re so dumb, you know, haha,” Bambam hollered from the other side, the amount of consumed alcohol apparent in his voice, “have you ever seen yourself? How does anyone with a fucking face like that let himself be dumped? Huh? You’re so stupid…”

“Bambam,” Yugyeom tried to ignore what he just said and instead focused on getting some information out of him, “Where are you? Who are you with?”

“Pssst, I don’t care! Why do you care so much, are you my mother or what, haha…”

“Bambam, where are you and who are you with.”

“I don’t know, why do you care… There’s some guys here… I’ll tell you a secret, okay… I don’t think they like me,” Bambam erupted into a loud laughter, “I think I’ll get punched, and not in a kinky way!”

“Please, stay where you are and don’t upset them more, can you do that for me, Bambam?”

“Can you suck my dick?” he laughed again, “No, don’t answer that. I will suck your dick. I promise.”

“Bambam, focus, please,” Yugyeom was almost out of breath, but he knew he was only a minute or two away from where Bambam could be. He tried his best to not think about what was drunk Bambam saying.

“Alright, alright. But hurry up, lover boy, or I might suck this guy’s dick, maybe he’ll let me go-”

Yugyeom didn’t hear the end of the sentence, only a loud thud and the line disconnected - it didn’t take him too long to realize that Bambam’s phone was probably taken by someone or, which would be worse, Bambam did get punched and his phone fell out of his hand.

“Fuck!” Yugyeom shouted, earning few stares from the passerby. He didn’t even want to imagine what must have been happening.

Soon after ( _hopefully not too late_ ) Yugyeom arrived at the bar where Bambam was most likely at. He didn’t have to hesitate - as he arrived, a bouncer appeared at the entrance and pushed out a group of men, staggering across the pavement. And with them, in between the visibly stronger men - Bambam.

Yugyeom stood frozen for a while, contemplating whether he should just dive into the group and just forcibly drag Bambam out, but then something in him snapped and he did exactly as he planned.

As he approached the loud group, no one really noticed him so he took the opportunity and grabbed Bambam by his arm and pulled him out. “Oh, hi Yugyeom!” Bambam said when he finally noticed him as he staggered after him, but then he refused to make another step so they were still in close proximity to the others. Bambam turned to the men, whose faces were unrecognizable to Yugyeom, and shouted few names to get them to listen to him. “Yo, everyone! This is my, this is my boyfriend!”

Yugyeom immediately turned a deep shade of red as the group looked at him, but luckily no one seemed to be influenced by anything Bambam had said. “Bam, leave them alone, let’s go home,” he told him during a short moment when their eyes met. In any other situation, he would be scared for his life, but now it was all about getting Bambam out of there and helping him sober up. “I’m so sorry about him, I promise he won’t trouble you more,” he managed a 90 degree bow as he spoke to the men, but didn’t dare to linger his gaze on any of them. He heard some complaints and remarks from Bambam so he pushed him away from the group so he would be standing in between the two sides.

“Hey, wait,” a voice called after him as Yugyeom started dragging Bambam away. Yugyeom didn’t want to stop, what if he’d get in trouble as well? But then he contemplated - he couldn’t get into trouble any more than he was at the moment and after all, if the men wanted to hurt them, they would have already done it. “You’re his boyfriend?” the man, about as old as Mark, spoke to him in a non-teasing, serious voice.

Yugyeom glanced at Bambam, currently clinging to his arm like a baby, probably trying to gain some warmth. _As if_ , he thought. “It’s rather complicated.”

“Alright, whatever, just… I’m sorry for getting him into trouble, I swear we didn’t hurt him or anything,” the man explained, “He approached us and started babbling and drinking more and almost got into trouble when he tried to throw a punch at my friend here, but I swear no one even touched him. I think he already had to be upset when he came here and took it out on strangers.”

“Oh,” was all Yugyeom could manage at that point, “do you… do you happen to know what he talked about?” He was already having hard time processing that Bambam got this drunk alone, now he found out that he was struggling? Why didn’t Bambam tell him?

If he had answered the text instead of talking to his ex, would he have prevented it?

“I’m not really sure what it was all about. He approached us saying that his boyfriend cheated on him and that he wants to revenge, but then he broke down crying about it, then he tried to seduce the barman, he got all defensive and misunderstood a lot of things so he wanted to start a fight… Then we got kicked out.”

“I’m so sorry,” Yugyeom said almost as a reflex. He opened his mouth to say more but Bambam pulled on his arm and demanded attention.

“Gyeommie~ I want to get ice cream!”

“W-What? Bam, it’s cold, you’ll-”

“Gyeommiee! Pleeease!” Bambam pulled on his sleeve again like a kid. Only then Yugyeom realized it is a good opportunity to leave the awkward conversation with the group of men.

“I’m so sorry again, I-”

“It’s fine, just take care of him, don’t let him sleep on the pavement or anything,” the man told him and guided the others to turn around and leave the venue behind.

“Thank you!” Yugyeom called after them but his attention was already on Bambam who was now probably trying to rip off Yugyeom’s hand by pulling him in the direction opposite to the bar.

“Come on! I know this one place, we should-”

“No Bambam, let’s go to your dorm, you’ll drink lots of water and-”

“You’re no fun!” Bambam whined but eventually stopped trying and just stood next to Yugyeom, his hands still holding Yugyeom’s jacket. “I want to _do_ something, come on! Let’s, let’s… I don’t know, just let’s do something _fun_!”

“No, we’re going to your dorm now, alright?” Yugyeom almost struggled to say no to Bambam.

“ _Hey_ , I’m older than you, stop giving me orders!”

“ _Bambam_ ,” Yugyeom said firmly and in that moment, Bambam stiffened. He knew Yugyeom was right, he should go to sleep before he can babble out anything or act irresponsibly. “Let’s go to your dorm.”

“But we,” Bambam started, sounding more sober than before, “we can’t.” Yugyeom gave him a questioning look. “Jackson told me he wants to have a serious talk with Mark, we can’t interfere.”

“Okay,” Yugyeom eventually said with a nod, “let’s go to my place, then.”

“Yesss!” Bambam shouted and staggered in direction of Yugyeom’s apartment, one hand gripping at the jacket for support. “I knew you could be fun! Do you have booze?”

“Ah, Bambam…” Yugyeom sighed in resignation, too quiet for Bambam to actually register what he had said.

They somehow managed to get to the apartment block more or less safely, Bambam pulling Yugyeom into the road only three or four times. At the point where they reached the apartment block, Bambam was in the state of being both loud and obnoxious and drop dead tired. Yugyeom, supporting him with his arm wrapped around him from behind, was on the verge of actually falling asleep midst walking, so as they entered the apartment, he aimed directly for the bed. He reached with his free hand for the light switch and turned it on, to which Bambam screamed and launched himself after the switch, his eyes squeezed shut.

“No! Too much… Too much light, dude,” he whined as he scrambled for the switch and managed to turn it off.

“Okay, okay, whatever you say,” Yugyeom muttered and proceeded in getting Bambam to sit on the bed.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” Bambam whined, waving his arms around.

“Don’t care, I’m going to get you water,” Yugyeom said, approaching the little kitchenette and finding a bottle of water, “and you’re going to drink it. Then you will sleep.”

“Come on!” Bambam whined again. Yugyeom didn’t listen to him and handed him the bottle, then sat next to him. It reminded him just how they usually sat when Bambam was studying, both of them taking up the two corners of the bed, but this time Bambam was sitting in the middle of the bed and Yugyeom was watching him from his corner.

“I’m taking care of you today, deal with it.”

“But wait, if we,” Bambam chuckled after he took the first sip, “if we share the bed again,” he laughed, “it could make me go gay for you.”

“You’re so dumb,” was all Yugyeom managed to say without blushing or excessive over-thinking. Bambam only laughed again, sipping on his water.

“Psst, Yugyeom,” he said after a while, “pff, that’s a funny name. I mean, my name is literally Bambam, but _Yugyeom_ . Sounds so cute, like a name for a stuffed toy. _Gyeommie_. Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh, yes, I know. But you gotta promise you won’t tell anyone.” He then looked into Yugyeom’s eyes using the most deathly stare he could produce.

“Okay, okay, sure, not a word,” he promised but couldn’t help but to let an ironic expression creep up his face as he made a gesture putting his finger in front of his lips.

“Not a word? To anyone?”

“Nope.”

“Not even Jackson or Mark? Or Jaebum?”

“Promise.”

“Pff… okay. Shh… I’m gay,” Bambam said in a serious tone but then exploded in a fit of laughter.

“Okay? I guess?” Yugyeom managed, trying his best not to look flustered, “I mean, I don’t think Jackson doesn’t know-”

“What did I say! Not a word to Jackson!” Bambam interrupted him and pushed his palm against Yugyeom’s ajar mouth. “...If you even think about licking my hand, don’t, please, ew.”

Yugyeom let out a groan, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling.

“You know what would be awkward,” Bambam continued, eventually letting Yugyeom speak.

“Nope,” Yugyeom shook his head and Bambam laughed.

“If you were… Into dicks as well.”

“What even…” Yugyeom rolled his eyes again as Bambam laughed again.

“I mean, the whole bed sharing thing would be _so_ gay,” Bambam chuckled and Yugyeom only hoped Bambam couldn’t read his expression too well, because if he could he would totally see how he’s flustered and nervous.

“Yeah, I guess…”

“By the way, that dude you dated, he’s fucking gorgeous. Like, even _I_ would choose him over myself,” Bambam muttered after a while of silence filled with the noises that the plastic bottle was making when squeezed.

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“I saw you with him, congrats I guess. Where is he even now?”

“W-What are you talking about, what do you even mean by that? Bammie, what happened today? You were never like this.” Yugyeom was aware of the interrogative mode he initiated, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Bambam always seemed so upbeat, nothing ever worried him enough to get this irrational. Upon hearing that, he visibly froze and his gaze, directed to somewhere in front of him, stiffened and it was obvious that he was on the verge of crying.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know,” he said, gaze unmoving. There wasn’t anger in his voice, but a regret and sadness; when he spoke, he didn’t sound too much drunk, but his pronunciation was very vague and the words blurred together which made it hard to understand. “I don’t even know why I care so much about this, I just didn’t expect to get fucking attached like this, I know you don’t fucking care about me, I’ve always known that a day like this will come, I just didn’t fucking want it to ever happen… I almost thought I had a chance, that maybe one day I could call you my boyfriend, but then you just come and break my fucking heart like this…”

“What are you talking-”

“Don’t fucking pretend you don’t know. I saw you with him, he gave you his number and… I don’t know, just if… If your bed smells like him then don’t tell me, ‘cause I got addicted to it the same way I got addicted to you, fucking hell… ! I saw you there with him and realized I will never be more than a fucking speck of dust to you, I went to that bar and I had twenty shots of soju and I wanted to forget your fucking name but the only name I forgot was mine and I just wanted to see your goddamn face again… ! … You have no fucking clue what that feels like, do you?”

Yugyeom sat frozen, his mouth ajar with no words coming out of it. He still was processing who did Bambam mean by “him” and when he finally realized it, he was no less confused. Did Bambam… confess to him? Did Bambam really like him as much as he wanted him to? Did Bambam… love him?

“I think I’m gonna go,” Bambam said after a while when he finally faced Yugyeom and understood that he won’t get an answer. What was Yugyeom even supposed to say? That yes, he was getting back together with his ex and that Bambam really wasn’t as important to him?

Bambam got up and headed to the doors where he started clumsily putting on his shoes. He even sat down to do it, but as he got up to reach for the door handle, the whole world spinned around. “No, you’re staying here, it’s safer,” Yugyeom said and only then Bambam realized that he was being pushed against the door so it would be closed back shut. Because of how aggressively Yugyeom manipulated him, with firm hands pressed onto his shoulders, he found himself shedding two heavy tears that had gathered as they were talking.

When Yugyeom was sure Bambam was shocked enough to not move, he kneeled down to untie his sneakers (those were Bambam’s lazy pair, when he didn’t care how short he looked - Yugyeom knew because they were the shoes he had worn the most when he was visiting) and take them off. Bambam really did not move at all, hands placed in front of his chest in defense but no longer cramped, rather lax. When Yugyeom stood up, Bambam’s face was stained with tears but the look in his eyes wasn’t even alive - he had zoned out and his body was running on autopilot. He had probably sobered up halfway through his confession.

Yugyeom managed to manipulate him towards the mattress, where he helped him take off his coat and a hoodie (yet another part of Bambam’s lazy outfit - he had seen that hoodie countless times).

  


“Yugyeom, no… Don’t….”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Yugyeom comforted him, although it was Yugyeom himself who it was aimed at. He lowered Bambam onto the mattress by one light push and Bambam automatically curled up into a fetal position.

“I’m sorry,” Bambam muttered as Yugyeom pulled the covers over him, sitting in front of the bed cross-legged and watching Bambam getting more and more tired.

“It’s okay, Bammie…”

Bambam started saying something Yugyeom didn’t understand, but was informed enough that he knew it was thai. After few minutes when Yugyeom was sure Bambam was asleep he got up and stretched. He didn’t know what exactly to do now - should he lay down next to Bambam? Wouldn’t that be too insensitive?

He eventually ended up sitting in the corner of his bed where Bambam couldn’t reach with his legs, watching him as he slept. Now when he was asleep he could finally think about what just happened. It was hard to admit that Bambam liked him even as a best friend - they didn’t know each other for a long time - and now he was trying to process that Bambam might be… what, _in like_ with him?

Yugyeom refused to acknowledge any of it. He refused to acknowledge that he himself liked Bambam way too much for it to be safe. Seeing how much it hurt to love someone and then have to break it all of and how easy it was to pretend everything was alright, that really left an imprint on Yugyeom. If he allowed it, if he allowed himself to fall in love with Bambam but Bambam wouldn’t feel the same, would Bambam disappear from his life as well? Would he even be able to take the hurt from having his heart broken by Bambam? No, he couldn’t let himself fall in love with Bambam.

Or had it already happen?

 

Bambam woke up to something vibrating - after few confusing seconds, he realized it was his phone in his pocket. There was a throbbing pain in his head and his stomach felt terrible, on the verge of puking. He reached for his phone with a silent groan, realizing how gross he felt all over his body.

Four new text messages.

 **_Jackson_ ** _  
_ _hey what’s up, I’m gonna get breakfast with Mark so the dorm is free now_

 **_Jaebum_ **  
_do you happen to know someone called Park Jinyoung?_  
_… i woke up in his apartment today_ _  
_ … shut up

He sighed upon reading the older messages - seemed like Bambam wasn’t the only one getting drunk to oblivion previous night.

Which lead him to - what had he been doing last night?

He was in Yugyeom’s bed, he knew that - he was well familiar with how waking up there felt like. But then, where was Yugyeom, if not next to him?

He sat up to find Yugyeom curled up in a sitting position on the opposite side of the bed, sound asleep with only a hoodie (which was Bambam’s) and a coat (also Bambam’s) covering him. He almost looked like a little kid that fell asleep in a car, arms loosely wrapped around his knees. There was a strange expression lingering on his face - a rather troubled one, instead of his usual relaxed and content one. (Something fluttered in his stomach at that thought - he knows how Yugyeom _usually_ looks when asleep.)

Then it all clicked - he had confessed to Yugyeom about liking him.

He suppressed the overwhelming urge to scream by clenching his fists so hard he started feeling a slight throbbing in his fingers. He then managed to get up and silently gather his shoes and slip out of the door.

When he got out on the street, only then had he realized that he was only wearing a thin t-shirt. But returning to the apartment and hoping that Yugyeom wouldn’t wake up was too risky, so he sped up his pace and hoped to get to his dorm before he would freeze to death (which wasn’t such a bad alternative after what he had probably said the night before).

 

When Yugyeom woke up several minutes after Bambam had left, it was to the sound of his phone ringing. He looked around, perplexed and with his spine aching. As he managed to get up onto his knees so he could reach for his phone, a horrible crack came from his neck and he groaned, almost falling over onto his torso.

He briefly noticed that Bambam’s clothes - coat and jacktet - were still present. Had Bambam left just in a t-shirt? Wasn’t he freezing cold? Why did he leave just like that, without even saying anything? That just meant that Yugyeom would need to ask for explanation later. Or… he could just pretend that he hadn’t poured his heart out just like that.

Yes, what a good plan.

He then finally grasped the phone into his palm, trying to focus his eyes on the name of the contact, but eventually he gave up and simply answered the call.

“Yeah?” Yugyeom muttered groggily into the microphone. Then he saw how comfortable the bed looked so he flopped face-first onto it.

“Hi!” someone almost shouted on the other side. Mark, and unusually merry. “So I’m with Ka-Yee, I mean, Jackson now and we are having breakfast in that one café where they also sell flowers, y’know which one, right?”

“Mhmm…” Yugyeom mumbled as he enjoyed the warm pillow pressed against his cheek.

“Y’know which one, that one huge windows that looks like a botanic garden? Okay, Ka- Jackson is saying that his friend Jaebum works-”

“I know which one you mean…” Yugyeom muttered as he inhaled the weird combination of smells coming from the sheets.

“So, okay, I’ve been wanting to go here with you for _so_ long, right, you remember when I talked about it, right?”

“Yes, go on,” Yugyeom started getting frustrated. Then a completely different train of thoughts hit him - the spot he was laying his head on was the exact same spot where Bambam had laid on the previous night.

“And okay I know I’m now here with Jackson and first it was kind of a couple thing,” Mark explained but Yugyeom’s mind stuck on the word “couple”. Did Mark now take him and Jackson as a couple? Jackson, of all people? Really? Why would he date Jackson? “But now we were talking about, well… y’know. You and Bambam.” Yugyeom pressed his lips together and squeezed his eyes shut. Why? Why was he such an asshole? Why he had to always fuck up so much? Why did he never listen to his head for once? “Aaand… We want to talk to you,” Mark said in a disgustingly upbeat voice and Yugyeom didn’t have to see him to know that he had now a stupid smirk on his face.

“No,” Yugyeom firmly refused.

“No, only to you! We just want to give you our thoughts and opinions on the matter!” Mark started excusing himself. _We, our_ \- the words echoed in Yugyeom’s head. So now Mark referred to the two of them in a “we”?

“Absolutely no way, Tuan.” Yugyeom couldn’t himself but to inhale a little bit more of the smell that Bambam had left after himself. It smelled like a little bit of smoke and alcohol, the usual smell one acquires after going to a club, but also like… so much like Bambam. The cologne he always used that made Yugyeom almost sniff his shoulder whenever he was close to him. The cologne that he had even often brought with himself and used after waking up and it always lingered in Yugyeom’s bathroom for the majority of the day.

“Hey, show me some respect, Kim Yugyeom!” Mark laughed and Jackson’s laughter echoed in the speaker as well but Yugyeom barely smiled. “I mean, we would pay for your food. And it is heavenly, much better and healthier than whatever we eat when we’re hanging out.”

At that, Yugyeom perked up and almost cracked his joints again when standing up. “What, are you for real?” he asked in an interrogating voice.

“Yes. All-inclusive. Are you coming?”

“I hate you so much, alright?”

Yugyeom arrived into the café not too late after the phonecall. He knew exactly where the café was, he passed it countless times when he was walking Bambam back to his dorm and Bambam always used a way that was longer (but Yugyeom would never dare to question why had they been taking the detour). It was a strange place, the café - it almost looked like a flower shop, but behind the flower display a barista counter and a set of tables was also visible.

When Yugyeom walked in, he saw that the deco was very well thought out and matching - the counter, the chairs and tables were made out of a dark brown wood, while various strings of vines tangled in between the furniture and hung on red brick walls and the ceiling. On top of that, every table had its own flower in a handmade pot. He suddenly felt out of place, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt that weren't washed in days.

It didn’t take Yugyeom too long to find Mark and Jackson in the sea of randomly placed vegetation, despite the number of customers. Mark waved at him when he hesitated, so he approached the table without much thinking about it being awkward as a third wheel.

“Hey, Yugyeom! Long time no see!” Jackson excitedly greeted him.

“Hi, you too,” Yugyeom said shyly, borrowing a chair from a nearby table so he could actually sit down.

“I ordered you this cool muffin that’s decorated like a garden, and Yi-En said you like cocoa so I bought that too,” Jackson explained the food that was in front of Yugyeom on a tiny wooden tray. Yugyeom thanked him, not marveling too much about the fact that the spoons look like small shovels.

“So, what’s up,” Mark asked with a spark in his eyes as he raised his own cup of coffee to his lips. Yugyeom looked up at him, his mouth ajar as he was about to take a bite of the muffin. He disappointedly lowered the muffin onto the plate - turns out the food was for the price of information.

“What do you want to know,” Yugyeom whined.

“Well, y’know… Was Bambam sleeping over today as well?”

“Yes but… It’s complicated.”

“What happened?”

“Um, basically,” Yugyeom briefly wondered if he’s okay with Jackson hearing all of it, if he even should tell Mark, if it’s fair towards Bambam. But on the other hand, Jackson was probably not unfamiliar with what was going on. “He called me in the late evening that he’s somewhere drinking so I went to pick him up because it didn’t sound like he was safe at all, and then he started saying those weird things about how I’m his boyfriend but then he started getting emotional about getting attached and that I broke his heart or whatever and… He said a lot of weird things like this, I didn’t know how to react so I just told him to sleep…” Yugyeom didn’t even realize that halfway through explaining he had zoned out and was only blankly staring into his plate and that his voice was small and barely audible. And that there was a lump in his throat and a straining sensation in his stomach - suddenly, the idea of food didn’t seem as appealing.

“Oh,” Mark exhaled, genuinely surprised, but quickly changed his tone back, “well, anyways, we talked about the two of you, and we just want the best for you.”

“Yeah, Yi-En was telling me how he’s the only thing you ever talk about these days,” Jackson added, “and we just want the best for you! We want you to be as happy with Bambam as we are together.” Jackson ended his monologue with a warm smile, that maybe looked far too much like a smile he would get from his mother or grandmother, and topped it off with his palm finding Mark’s on the table, tangling their fingers together. Yugyeom skeptically eyed the two hands and then Mark and Jackson separately, both smiling like the lovesick couple they probably were.

“Jackson,” Yugyeom said after a moment of silence in a serious tone, “can I talk to Mark in private for a while?”

“Yeah, sure!” Jackson said merrily, like if he wasn’t affected by the tone at all, and got up with a wide grin, “I’ve been _holding it in_ for a while now anyways, so I’m gonna go.” Yugyeom made a disgusted expression as Jackson walked away to the bathroom, but then turned back at Mark, who now looked at him _more like himself_ , with soft expression and a sincere, calm smile.

“Mark, what is it with you?” Yugyeom almost whined, “You never act so weird like this, you never let anyone call you with your birth name! Why did you suddenly let a random guy into your life like this? Why did you come back to him? I thought it was a mistake and you are suddenly dating? Why did you leave him control you like this so easily? Why? Don’t you see you’re misleading him? Why do you do this? Why-”

“Yugyeom, let me-”

“Yeah, why?” Yugyeom pressed in an annoyed voice that multiple people looked at them because of how loud he was getting.

“Maybe it’s because I love him, alright!?” Mark nearly shouted and caught attention of a barista that was passing by their table and gave him a strange look. Yugyeom looked at him startled like a deer in the headlights.

“Are you su-”

“Yes! Yes, I am pretty sure that I love him,” Mark said with a firm look in his eyes.

“But you don’t know-”

“Yes, I do know him. He was my classmate back in highschool, and…” Mark started explaining while Yugyeom finally started eating his breakfast. “And actually… I had this huge crush on him. But he always seemed so cool and popular and so distant, and I thought that damn, I will never have a chance with him. But then we met again and then he confessed to me that he also had a crush on me and thought that I was always really mysterious and,” Mark started blushing a little bit and his expression got even softer, “and that I’m like his _sunbae_ and that he will never be cool enough for me to talk to him… And now it is like a dream come true, I don’t get how is it possible that we met again but I’m so glad we did because he’s like, all the things I ever missed after graduating. And to be fair, I’ve been thinking about him a lot for the past year, actually. And I’m as confident to say that I love Ka-Yee.”

“But… how do you know he’s the right for you? How do you know that someone as eccentric as Jackson is the right for you?” Yugyeom said after a brief pause.

“You,” Mark sighed with a smile, “You really don’t see it, do you?”

“What?” In that moment, Jackson got back from the bathroom and after making sure with Mark that he was not interrupting, he sat down.

“He… You’re in love with Bambam and Bambam is in love with you,” Mark said and Jackson nodded.

“How does that even relate to the previous topic?” Yugyeom whined.

“You’re so stuck to the idea that Bambam can’t ever love you that you refuse to believe anyone can be in a happy relationship. And you refuse to see how much you actually care about Bambam because you’re scared he doesn’t care as much as you do.”

Yugyeom stared at him for a while, mouth ajar with the loss for words. He has an objection to that, right? Mark didn’t just explain his entire problem, right?

_Right?_

“Are you sure he isn’t dead,” Yugyeom heard someone say - Jackson. He realized he had zoned out for more than a minute, contemplating whether Mark’s words could be true.

If it were true - Yugyeom was refusing to see that Mark’s and Jackson’s relationship could work out, just because he stopped believing in love being reciprocated - it would mean that he really could’ve been oblivious to any attempts from Bambam to get together. There would be few things that could’ve had a completely different meaning…

“Yugyeom,” Jackson got his attention, “Bambam is so in love with you. You’re the only thing he ever talks about, like… He always comes back from class and starts talking about what reminded him of you during the lecture and then in the evening he just leaves the dorm with some lame ass excuse to why he needs to visit you. And when we’re just chilling, he shows me pics of things he found on the internet that he would want to buy you if he had enough money. Actually, on the now rare occasions we actually hang out outside of the dorm, he stopped flirting with strangers! Like I haven’t seen him flirt with baristas and waiters in like forever since he met you! And he’s wearing your hoodie to sleep! And he always recommends me songs that you recommend him and he hums them all the time and he shows off your Instagram, man, if that isn’t love…”

“Are you sure he isn’t like that to every-”

“No!” Jackson pressed, voice slightly annoyed but still persuasive.

Yugyeom sighed.

Bambam… _loves him_?

He laughed, putting down the muffin he had just bitten into, almost choking. Bambam, the second closest he ever had to a best friend, the physically closest he ever had to a boy this attractive, the boy whose visits were the only thing his mood depended on?

In love with him?

Ridiculous.

“What are you laughing at?” Mark asked.

“Ah, it was Jinyoung, right? Did Jinyoung set this up? Where are the cameras?” Yugyeom continued chuckling, playing with the muffin wrapper on the plate in front of him.

“What? No, we’re serious! Right, Yi-En?”

“Yes! If Bambam isn’t in love with you the same I’m in love with Ka-Yee, I’m breaking up.”

“Yes.” Jackson breathlessly agreed, but only then realized what Mark just said. “Wait, what? Yi-En?”

“Don’t look at me like that, you know Bambam has it pretty bad,” Mark told Jackson, who then only shrugged and nodded.

“So you guys really think…” Yugyeom said, his expression going serious and sad at the same time. How is he supposed to act now? After what happened the previous night?

“Yes, Yugyeom. We do,” Mark confirmed.

Yugyeom stared into the table. He doesn’t even know what is Bambam thinking at the moment. Or where he is. Or if he even arrived to the dormitory. Should he text him and ask? Wouldn’t Bambam get scared? What if he thinks Yugyeom doesn’t ever want to see him again? Or what if Mark and Jackson really are wrong? What if they’re talking about someone else? What if Bambam changed his mind in the morning? What if he changes his mind as Yugyeom confesses?

As he contemplated various what-ifs and catastrophic scenarios, he briefly noticed Jackson overplayed tiny wanna-be cute voice as he lifted his palms to his cheeks and wiggled in his seat, stupidly giggling: “Oh my god, Yi-En loves me!”

Mark laughed, leaving Yugyeom to contemplate alone, and turned to face Jackson. The two of them looked into each other’s eyes with the most lovesick grin, holding hands.

“I love you too, Yi-en,” Jackson said in a more serious and genuine voice and watched how Mark blushed and hung his head to his chest for a second, before looking up at him again. Jackson let go one of Mark’s hands and reached to stroke his cheek and finally leaning in for a kiss.

“Guys,” Yugyeom whined after a solid minute of sitting wordlessly, “this is awkward and people are looking at you.”

Mark slowly pulled away with a grin and Jackson likewise, but unlike the latter, his gaze was still on Mark.

Maybe Mark was right.

Maybe it really was possible to be genuinely loved by someone and be loved back. Maybe the only thing preventing him from dating Bambam was himself. Maybe he just needed to allow himself to be loved.

 _Or maybe not_ , is what his old himself would have said.

“Hey, Jackson,” Yugyeom heard someone say behind him and he didn’t even have to turn around to see who it was, as the person quickly appeared in the space between Yugyeom’s and Jackson’s chair.

“Jaebum!” Jackson greeted back, in much bigger volume and with much more enthusiasm. Yugyeom could only hardly tell that the man he once saw driving the car that picked up Bambam, the man with styled hair and pierced ears and a lip, leather, eyeliner and all, was the same person that was now standing in front of him - hair down, white button-down and the staff apron for the coffee shop employees, smelling like coffee beans and looking like if he was the same age as Yugyeom himself. “This is Mark and this is Yugyeom.”

“Hi,” Mark and Yugyeom said almost in a perfect unisono.

“Oh, is he _the_ Yugyeom? The _perfect and beautiful_ Yugyeom? Bam’s _one and only_?” Jaebum asked Jackson, his voice giving away that he didn’t have any particular interest in Yugyeom as a person, it was more of making sure he would know it for future reference.

“Yes,” Jackson giggled.

Wait, had Bambam talked about Yugyeom that much that even someone who haven’t met him knows him?

“Hm, okay,” Jaebum hummed, briefly glancing at Yugyeom’s appearance before looking back to Jackson. “Anyways, I heard you guys talking about some Jinyoung? Isn’t he a Park? Park Jinyoung that lives like a minute or two from here?”

“Nope, never heard of a person like that,” Mark pressed his lips together as shook his head in regret, Jackson doing the exact same.

“Wait, Mark, we do know Park Jin-” Yugyeom began but suddenly someone kicked him under the table as Mark interrupted him.

“No, that’s not him!” Mark raised his volume and shook his head exaggeratedly at both Yugyeom and Jaebum, who almost had a look of hope in his eyes, his hands clutching a coffee tray like a schoolboy holds his textbooks.

“No, it is, it’s-”

“No, no, that’s a completely different Park Jinyoung. I’m sure you’re looking for someone else,” Mark explained and Yugyeom watched as Jaebum’s smile gradually faded away and his expression became more of a polite grimace than a friendly grin.

“Oh, okay,” Jaebum said, “I gotta go back to work, so I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, see you,” Mark waved at Jaebum as he walked away back to the counter.

“Mark!” Yugyeom loudly whispered at him as soon as Jaebum was out of earshot. “What was that! He meant Jinyoung, our Jinyoung!”

To that, Mark only snickered.

“We know,” Jackson grinned, “Jaebum finally got laid yesterday and we want to see how far will he go to find that poor guy.” Yugyeom stared at him in disbelief but Mark just laughed.

“Yeah, don’t tell him a thing! Jinyoung comes in here like almost every day anyways so we want to see what happens. Especially when his pride and standards are higher than like, anything.”

“And Jaebum is a really emotional guy even if he doesn’t seem like it, he will go chasing after Jinyoung. It will be _hilarious_.”

 

It was exactly 115 hours after Bambam had left Yugyeom’s apartment when he saw the first snowflake of the winter flutter down in front of his dorm’s window.

“Yo, I’m going to the movies with Mark. We might end up at his place, so don’t wait for me or anything,” Jackson announced that late afternoon after picking up his keys and putting on his heavy coat.

“Yeah, sure,” Bambam agreed absently. If anything, at least Jackson respected that he doesn’t have where to stay if Jackson decided to bring Mark into the dorm. He watched Jackson shut the door and then he was alone again.

Bambam was chill. He was just casually sitting on his bed, laptop balanced on his knees, leaning against the headboard. He wasn’t stressed. The assignment he was working on wasn’t even as hard. He wasn’t thinking about anything else other than his academic life.

No thoughts about Yugyeom at all.

Who even was Yugyeom? He didn’t know anyone by that name. No one is as funny and handsome and clever and perfect. No one was so distant and so… undateable.

Bambam was chill. It might have been caused by the snow that was starting to pile up on the windowsills, but he was also feeling okay and no one-sided love was stressing him. It was fine.

Until he heard a knock on the door and he almost knocked over his laptop onto the ground. But then he realized it was probably just Jackson who, after leaving for his date with Mark, forgot to take his wallet. Stupid Jackson and Mark and their stupid dating.

“Did you forget condoms again,” Bambam almost shouted, but not as much to be heard outside.

But then, everything seemed to happen really slowly.

Bambam reached for the door handle, prepared to laugh into Jackson’s face with some witty remark about his love life, when-

“Oh, Yugyeom,” he barely breathed out when he saw the tall boy in the doorframe. _Fuck, I missed seeing your face so much._ “W- what are you doing here?” Bambam pretended for it to be just a casual visit.

“Jackson let me in, um,” Yugyeom explained, his face strangely… plain. It missed a smile. “I wanted to talk to you.”

 _Abort, abort, abort._ Bambam opened and closed his mouth few times before he realized he couldn’t really refuse, so he only backed out of the doorway and let Yugyeom take off his shoes and shake out some of the snow that glistened in his hair.

“I broke it off with my ex,” he heard Yugyeom say as he made few steps towards his bed, hoping that Yugyeom won’t notice that the piece of clothing on the pillow was Yugyeom’s hoodie. Both of them wordlessly sat on Bambam’s bed, leaning against the wall, as they would always sit when they were watching movies. This time though, there was a short gap separating them.

“Mhm,” Bambam hummed emotionlessly with his chin almost on his chest - the risk of actually meeting Yugyeom’s gaze was too big. The last time he had seen Yugyeom was after he literally spilled his entire heart in front of him. But here he was anyways, talking like if it wasn’t a big deal. (It was a big deal for Yugyeom. He himself was surprised how he had managed to keep his voice steady.)

“The last time we met,” Yugyeom continued in a low voice, “he basically begged me for mercy. But I said no. That I… met someone.” If Bambam wasn’t so focused on the sleeves of his sweater, he might’ve noticed that Yugyeom looked at him.

“I- I’m glad you sorted it out.” _I’d be happier if i were with you._ What was he even supposed to say? That he was genuinely happy for him? That he did want Yugyeom to date someone who is not him? Who even was this person?

But then it clicked: Bambam had spent the entire time wallowing in self-pity, not going outside unless it was for a class or absolutely necessary, hardly remembering to shower every day, and falling asleep during the class not because he stayed up all night texting Yugyeom, but because that’s what it took to miss someone this much; and while he was doing that and completely wasting the few days, Yugyeom actually got a life and met someone new, someone he would be happy with and who he would love.

It got him thinking, what did this someone have that Bambam didn’t? _More handsome, more clever, more put-together, funnier, manlier…?_

“Mhm, me too,” Yugyeom muttered with a tiny smile and looked into the space in front of him. “First I wasn’t sure if he liked me back and I guess I still can’t really believe that he might do like me back… How do you think I should confess?”

Bambam only felt like this few times in his life. First, when he, as a kid, had overslept and had to run to the school in freezing cold without a scarf. Second was in high school, when he got a panic attack over coming out to his parents. Third was right after he asked Yugyeom for a kiss.

He didn’t expect for his breath to be taken away like this, though.

“I, um… I don’t know, just tell him the next time you see him,” Bambam said, desperately trying to make his voice sound like it wasn’t a huge deal, that he was just his friend, just a “bro” who casually advised him about his love life. To his own surprise, he even managed a smile.

“I…” Yugyeom began, but muttered the rest of the sentence so Bambam didn’t understand anything.

“Sorry, what?” He asked, almost ashamed of the question.

“Bambam,” Yugyeom whined and leaned his head against the wall, as if what he was saying was the most obvious thing in the world, as if it was simple as the fact that fire burns and that snow is really beautiful but can also make blood run cold. “I like you.”

“W-what?”

“I like you,” Yugyeom repeated syllable after syllable as Bambam turned his head to look at him and their eyes met. “Actually, maybe more than that.”

Bambam certainly didn’t expect for his breath to be taken away like this, either.

Yugyeom felt like the only audible thing in the silence was his own heartbeat and how it echoed in his ears and tightened his stomach. Bambam’s answer was just a breath away, yet he couldn’t find himself gasping for air.

“Are, are you for real?” was the only thing Bambam managed to say, nothing more than a strangled voice, and Yugyeom nodded. “A-are you not just saying that out of pity?”

Yugyeom nodded again but Bambam just couldn’t take the piercing gaze anymore so he looked away again and took a labored breath that he shakily released.

“I fucked it up so much, I’m so sorry, I should’ve-”

Neither of them found out how the sentence was supposed to end as Yugyeom leaned over into Bambam’s space and by putting his palm on his cheek motioned him to meet his eyes but before Bambam registered what was happening, Yugyeom finally connected their lips into a hungry kiss.

The whole world spinned and Bambam found himself responding into the kiss as he closed his eyes. As he kissed back with force, putting his hand on Yugyeom’s arm, he felt Yugyeom smile, _an actual smirk, is this fucking real._

“Wrong answer,” Yugyeom breathed out as he pulled away, the distance between them barely an inch.

“I like you so so much,” Bambam said as fast as humanly possible, desperate to kiss Yugyeom again and again, to burn the shape and the taste of his lips into his memory forever. He maneuvered himself to straddle Yugyeom’s legs for better access as he lightly nipped onto Yugyeom’s bottom lip. He moved his hands to rest on Yugyeom’s chest, Yugyeom’s hands firmly holding onto Bambam’s almost fragile looking waist.

“I’ve been so dumb,” Yugyeom said when they paused for breath. He chuckled. “I used to think you hate me and only hang out with me out of pity.”

“I… I cried my eyes out after last time.” Yugyeom knocked their foreheads together and caressed the small of Bambam’s back with the tips of his fingers. “I’m so glad you came today,” Bambam let out a strangled chuckle and took a deep breath. “I’m so happy.” He first didn’t dare to meet his eyes but then he realized - he doesn’t have to be nervous anymore. Yugyeom feels the same.

_He feels the same._

The thought echoed in his head again and again and then he finally believed it and started softly laughing, his fingertips softly tracing lines over Yugyeom’s cheeks. Yugyeom joined him soon after and Bambam ended up hugging Yugyeom tight as if he would disappear. The feeling was so familiar and yet so foreign - although they had “accidentally” spooned few times and both of them knew how it felt to wake up enveloped in warm arms, it always came with a dash of fear - but now, it was purest as it could be, neither of them had to be afraid of rejection or unreciprocated feelings, and there was something so comforting about hugging like this, face to face, hands all around. Bambam could feel Yugyeom’s warm breath on the bit of his skin that peeked from the collar of his sweater, his lips ghosting over his neck; it tickled a little bit, almost like the butterflies in his stomach.

“Yugyeom,” Bambam said after a long stretch of silence, filled only with the sound of their heartbeats. Yugyeom hummed. “I love you.”

Yugyeom pulled Bambam up for another kiss, this time slower yet more passionate. “I love you too,” he said, although it might’ve as well remained unsaid, because it was so damn obvious.

There was something so familiar about the kiss, and it wasn’t the fact that they had kissed before - those were only pecks, only borrowed kisses - yet it had felt so different. This time, Bambam hadn’t put on lip gloss nor had he just brushed his teeth, his lips were chapped from the frozen air and tasted like instant coffee - but life wasn’t perfect and what is it about a kiss that’s made to be perfect? It was the very fact that he didn’t prepare for a kiss, that made it feel so much like home to Yugyeom, because although Yugyeom lived in his own apartment and he had a family somewhere, home was where Bambam was, and even if it was a tiny dormitory with a weak heating, it would suffice.

Few pecks soon turned into a hot make-out session with tongues, hands wandering all around and even a couple of hickeys appearing, before Yugyeom finally pinned Bambam down onto the bed, admiring how he looked from that angle, with hair tousled, lips swollen and glistening and pupils blown up in lust.

Which was also when a well familiar voice echoed from the entrance.

“Uh, guys? I’m sorry, um.” Both Yugyeom and Bambam glanced to see who was it disturbing and were suddenly flooded with a strong feeling of déjà vu. Yugyeom groaned and sat back onto Bambam’s thighs in embarrassment. Bambam propped himself up on his elbows to see better: who else would it be than Jackson and Mark, right?

“We’re honestly _so_ sorry to disturb,” Jackson said honestly, “and I gotta say I have never ever even expected to see Bammie getting molested by a high schooler.”

“I’m not a high-”

“What the-”

“ _But_ ,” Jackson shouted over the two of them, “there’s actually so much snow that the traffic is stuck so after waiting more than thirty minutes for a bus we gave up and decided that it will be the best if we just come back here. So yeah, I’m really sorry guys.”

“Jackson, what the fuck,” Bambam whined but eventually they both sat back in a respectable, platonic distance (both with a pillow folded in their lap). Mark and Jackson took off their coats and shoes and wordlessly (but not quietly - nothing with Jackson is silent) sat down on the second bed, and with stares from Bambam and Yugyeom, covered themselves with a blanket, nearly building a pillow fort for watching movies on Jackson’s laptop.

“Guys?” Jackson raised one eyebrow at them. “You don’t have to stay like that the whole time.” Bambam looked at the distance between him and Yugyeom, and how uncomfortable they both actually looked. “Literally no one in this room is straight.”

“With you I wish I was,” Mark muttered.

“No, you love me,” Jackson said back and looked at him with a grin.

“Mhm, I love you,” Mark muttered back with a genuine smile, but then looked at the two boys on the other bed as he leaned his head on Jackson’s shoulder.

Yugyeom could only manage a shy smile as he hid his blushing face into a pillow. Bambam would have almost done the same but then he decided that _no_ , they were a better couple than Jackson and Mark.

“You know, I already told him that as well! And the two of you wouldn’t have even met if it wasn’t for me! And I slept over at Yugyeom’s place many more times! And, and…”

“And he stole my hoodie and thought I wouldn’t find out,” Yugyeom interrupted Bambam when he couldn’t come up with more reasons why apparently they were way better. Although apart from Bambam, he didn’t take the competition as seriously. Jackson probably took it as a war.

“Hey, I already had Mark’s-” Jackson shouted back, but then there was a palm covering his mouth and preventing him from saying more.

“Too much information, Ka-Yee. We already are the disgusting parents that make out in front of their kids.”

Eventually, the two of them ended up cuddling as if there was no one else in the room, talking till late hours when Yugyeom was too tired to even nod to Bambam’s conspiracy theories or analysis of the newest trends, so they fell asleep for the first time facing each other, holding hands. And when they woke up, there was no awkward greeting and avoiding eye contact, but a good morning kiss and good morning “i love you”s and cuddling and breakfast in bed. (It was brought by Jackson and Mark, who woke up earlier and bought it, but this time, Yugyeom wasn’t disgusted by their overdone display of affection, but rather kissed Bambam for the nth time that morning and helped him open the creamer for his coffee.)

Yugyeom didn’t believe in love at first sight, but he did believe that the universe was constantly expanding and creating new stars and new galaxies every second, which was, in theory, pretty much how falling in love with Bambam felt like - inevitable and irreversible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this sequel, if you did, please give kudos and maybe comment something, i love when i talk to you guys about this ship (this ship that makes me emotional literally every day will i ever find peace please) :D
> 
> also, go follow me @alexmemesenpai ! to hear more updates on my fic writing and retweeting yugbam
> 
> and yes, i am thinking about continuing with the jjp plotline. sue me :D  
> (if you would be interested in reading it, let me know in the comments as well~)


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